A Day of Firsts - The Football and Soccer Extravaganza

A beautiful sunny day awaited us as we all rose on Saturday morning.  The JMR household on Saturdays and Sundays – once reserved for donuts, chocolate milk and SpongeBob Squarepants – are now all about two things, Football and Soccer.  More importantly, today was going to be a day of firsts.  C’s first game as the primary pass-catcher for his 4^th grade Pop Warner football team, G’s first football game as a starter and DLG’s first soccer game, ever.  Honestly, the parents in this house were more excited than the children and we had to hold back our excitement and nervousness so as not frighten the impressionable children.

9am.  G’s First Game.  After a humbling loss in our first varsity game the weekend before, the junior varsity team was finally playing its first game.  Yours truly was a co-head coach of the junior varsity team, an honor only if you enjoy 25 2^nd graders asking you to play a certain position and generally complaining about being thirsty.  But my hard work was going to pay off in this game.  And G was starting left tackle.  Michael Oher might have been proud (if we threw the ball, of course). 

The game got underway with a quick touchdown from the opposing team followed shortly by a touchdown of our own led by some superb blocking from the left side of the line.  This was going to be a much different game than last week, I could just tell.  G was excited too, blocking everyone near him and getting tossed around like a rag doll sometimes.  It didn’t matter, he was having fun.  And on a kickoff by the opposing team, G’s excitement on the front line of the kickoff return team came bounding through.  Catching the ball on the fly, he started to run.  He had dreams of touchdowns in his mind.  Unfortunately, he was stopped about two steps after moving forward by the opposing team.  It didn’t matter, he was excited (and so was I). 

Although we ended up losing 26-14, I saw a lot of good things from everyone, and G was as proud as a seven year old could be.

10:30am.  DLG’s First Game.  We’ve been through this same soccer program before with her two older brothers.  Strutting as a peacock didn’t begin to describe her emotions when I told her all four of us were going to watch HER play soccer.  Usually it was the other way around.  At 10:50, G and I arrive to the soccer pitch to find the mad scramble of children learning the game.  I call it a pitch but it’s the outfield of a school’s baseball field.  Just in time though to catch DLG’s eye as she was practicing.  She was bounding up and down the practice field and when she saw us, she waved and started strutting around, hoping we all saw her Freddy Adu-like skills.

When the game started, however she was starting goaltender.  That’s ok I thought, I taught her how to stop the ball and scoop it up.  Besides, I can position myself right behind the goal to give her some “friendly advice.”

"Stop coaching and let her play!”  MM scolds.  I back away, just as she is replaced in goal, only to start playing defense.  A lot of running in bunches ensued and despite her valiant effort, her team – the Purple Sharks – go down in defeat 3-0.  That doesn’t matter though, because after the game DLG comes up to me and asks me if I saw her play.  Well, yes sweetheart, didn’t you see me coaching you from behind the goal?

10:00am Sunday.  Nine year old C has been working hard all year to get to this game.  He’s starting right end for the game, and for all you Pop Warner coaches, you know what that means.  He’s the one player who will be thrown the ball.  It might be quick outs, quick post patterns or halfback options, but the one constant at this level is that if you throw the ball, you throw it to one position – the Right End.

When I saw C inserted at Right End, I knew that there was going to be a pass play.  And lo and behold, five plays in, the Right End goes on a post pattern.  The Quarterback, C’s best friend and next door neighbor, heaves the ball up…and he catches the ball over the defender for a 25 yard gain!  The first executed pass play for this team…ever.  Watching from the far end zone, I start running down the sideline screaming “Nice catch 57!!” while a bunch of parents look at me like I’m about to eat their children.  As I run to the bleachers, I then see a penalty flag – ineligible man down field – are you kidding me?  They call that in fourth grade football?  And just like that the play is returned.  Two more passes that day ended in an interception and an incomplete pass (albeit as a result of interference).  Still the team won 20-8, and no one can take away that first catch. 

Two days and three proud moments for Dad.  Not bad.  And I can’t wait to become one of “those” parents.

0-0 is not a Scoreless Tie

It was a crisp Fall day in October.  There was a buzz in the crowd as Saturday afternoons are reserved for Pop Warner games in our hometown.  Usually the young kids start off first; eager 3rd graders looking for some validation after a long week of practice.  C is one of those kids.

They were facing a tough team, or so I heard, in Bridgewater, a town about an hour away.  They were wearing blood-colored uniforms that bespoke of their intensity.  It seemed like every one of those kids had been kept back, since this a third grade league and not an 8 or 9 year old team.  But our team would not be denied their second win of the season, it seemed.

They had a couple of tough games in the two weeks prior, losing to Hanover 16-0 two weeks ago and 22-0 last week.  I blamed a late night for that Hanover performance as all of the kids were introduced at halftime of the High School game.  With all of his friends around, it was a long night.  Marshfield, on the other hand, there really wasn't much of an excuse, although C played a good game with a couple of tackles and almost recovering a fumble.

"That was the best game you played!" I gushed at the end of the game as we were walking back to the car.

"No I didn't.  We lost, Dad." that's not the point, if everyone does their job and everyone tries hard, the team will always win.  I'm even creeping myself out with this rah rah BS.

But this afternoon was different.  I could tell that he was a different kid.  He seemed focused on the task at hand, even as he was downing waffles at a high rate of speed.  My wife also inspired C by telling him that he should imagine that he was tackling his Brother.  As he was sizing his brother up in the car on the way over, I thought it was ingenious, really.

The game started with little fanfare.  The teams kept trading blows and "three and outs" through most of the first half, but toward the end of the first half, things changed for the JMR household.  It was first down and the Bridgewater halfback started down the right side toward C.  Usually, C would engage the blocker, not move and clogg up the lane.  But this time, THIS TIME, he through the tackler out of the way, caught up to the runner and threw him to the ground.

"Tackle by #17, C!"  The PA announcer shouts as the couple hundred of people in the crowd cheer wildly for a great play, even if they don't know who the player was.  I wonder aloud if he could hear his name called.  On the next play, the now transformed nose guard made another tackle.

"Hey nice play, 17!"  I heard the coach yell.  Holy shit! Two plays in a row!  Now I hear a couple of murmurs in the crowd about the kid who was a head taller than everyone else on the field.  I forgot for a second that our team hadn't managed any plays for positive yardage yet in the game.  But who cares?  Bridgewater wasn't going to score either this game.  Naturally, the first half ended 0-0.

The second half played out the same way the end of the first half did.  Four more tackles, two more P.A. announcements calling his name out for the tackle.  And a couple of parents witnessing their child try hard and succeed.  Thankfully, his Grandmother saw the game too since she probably wouldn't have believed this kind of game (and she's kind of biased).  Maybe this was just an anomaly.  But for one of the few times that it can happen, it happened.  Sports mimicing and perhaps even transcending life for a little while.  At the end of the game, which ended up a 0-0 tie, we again found ourselves walking back to the car.

"Dad do you think I played good today?" He asked.

"You played great.  The best game I've seen anyone on your team play this year!"  I told him.  What I didn't tell him is that I had never been so proud of anything or anyone in my life. 

I can't wait for his next game.

JMR's List of the 5 Longest Sporting Events Ever

They probably didn't think that they would have to play each other three days in a row.  But here we are.  John Isner, a 19th seeded! American has battled qualifier Nicolas Mahut to a virtual draw.  It even made the cover of ESPN, something men's tennis has failed to do in years (except when talking about Andre Agassi's drug habits or the rampant betting that occurs in Men's Tennis).  Incidentally, this match has been suspended not once, but twice, because of darkness.

Even though the match winner still has not been determined, almost every record in the history of tennis match play has been broken - number of games, length of match, number of points, longest set, most aces.  In fact, I saw a table of longest matches, and the Isner-Mahut match is longer by 50 PERCENT than the second longest match.  It got me to thinking about what the longest games have been in the five major sports in the U.S.  At first, I looked here for the answers, but decided that that was a little over the top.

1. Baseball.  It wouldn't be baseball unless there were actually TWO records.  One record for most innings and one record for longest game in hours.  In fact the game that holds the record for most innings (26) actually ended as a tie game (Dodgers 1 Braves 1, May 1, 1920).  There is no doubt that Bud Selig used this game as his litmus test when he called a tie in the All Star game 5 years ago.  The longest game in time occured back in 1984 when the White Sox defeated the Brewers 7-6 in a game that lasted 8 hours and 6 minutes.  The fans I'm sure were excited to sit through that game knowing that beer and food were sold out at hour 2 of that game.

2.  Football.  Christmas Day, 1971.  An NFL Playoff Game between the Dolphins and the Chiefs.  The Dolphins eventualy won this game with 7 minutes and 40 seconds gone in the Second Overtime.  The funny thing about this actually was my research.  So many people were condemned for asking such a "stupid" question.  They were scolded that games end up in a tie after the 15 minute overtime.  Followed shortly by the answer given above.   At least three research sites had this string of questions, snarky answers and salty responses.

3.  Basketball.  In a 6 overtime thriller, the Indianapolis Olympians defeated the Rochester Royals 75-73 on January 6, 1951.  A real yawner of a game, if you ask me.  I understand that in the 30 minutes of overtime play, only 23 shots were taken.  23 SHOTS?  How is this entertaining?  By the way, how did the team from Indiana get the name, the "Olympians?"

4.  Hockey.  March 24, 1936.  This is the time of the original 6.  Mud Brunteau scored the game winner for the Red Wings as Detroit defeated the Montreal (soon to be) the Canadiens in the sixth overtime of a semifinal playoff game.

5.  Soccer. (European Football).  Who cares?

So tomorrow, John Isner and Nicolas Mahut will face each other for a third consecutive day.  Neither of these guys will win their second round match regardless, and maybe they don't care.  They just want this to end.  I don't blame them.  As John Isner said at the end of Day 2, "Nothing like this will ever happen again.  Ever."  I hope not, for their sake.

photo courtesy of cnnsi.com

15 Definitive Changes to Improve the NFL Game Experience

Last week, as reported by profootballtalk.com, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell discussed the growing reality that the live NFL game experience simply does not compare to watching a game at home on a wide screen HDTV with ready access to NFL Sunday Ticket and the Red Zone Channel.  At the beginning of the 2009 season, I had declared that the in-game experience was better than watching the game at home.  But I don't shell out thousands of dollars every year for season tickets, parking passes and concessions.  I also pass on opportunities to watch games in any weather other than sunny and reasonably warm.

It got me to thinking:  how can the in-stadium experience be improved to ensure that  stadiums remain full - except for you Los Angeles - errr I mean Jacksonville - Jaguars?  With the help of a couple of fresh minds with a different perspective on what it means to go to a football game live, we have determined that there are 15 improvements that can be made - even for obnoxious Jets fans (I'm thinking about you guys, too).

Seven Year Old's Perspective.

1.  "All-you-can-eat popcorn."  Depending on how much money Dad has, that is already true.

2.  "All the football players who played in the game have to sign footballs for the fans after the game and throw them into the stands."  This is a really good idea...

3.  "Me and my friends can play tackle football on the field before AND after the game."  (His emphasis, not mine.)

4.  "Me and my friends can tackle the players after the game."

5.  "The players try to tackle us after the game."  That would actually be quite amusing - well, until the kids actually got tackled.

Analyzing his five solutions, it seems clear that to a seven year old, more interaction with the players, the stadium and the game will really enhance his game experience.  I think some of these solutions should be studied a little harder and prhaps even implemented.

Five Year Old's Perspective

A little bit different of a perspective I am safe to say.

1.  "Be able to play my DS." While the adult equivalent would be an iphone with the NFL Network application, I don't really see this enhancing his stadium experience.

2.  "Be able to bring the Wii and play soccer."  Ditto.

3.  "More Ice Cream."  His experience at a football game was obviously last preseason when it was about 85 degrees at game time.  Games against the Buffalo Bills in mid-December?  He would probably change this to hot chocolate.

4.  "More hot dogs and chips!!"  What he means is having this available after the game.  This is legitmate, since the stadium essentially closes down after the Third Quarter.  No one wants the food left on the grill back at the tail gate - although I am guilty of occasionally indulging in some of these tasty after-game treats, only to pay for it later that night.

5.  "I want to see shooting stars."  This I will call the Plaxico Burress corollary.

JMR's Perspective

It's too easy to complain about obscene ticket prices, ridiculous parking rates and concession prices that make me think we live in a communist country, monopoly-wise.  I for one appreciate the fact that most teams have only 10 home games - 8 regular season, 2 preseason - that bring in perhaps 700,000 fans every year.  Compare that to Fenway Park or Yankee Stadium, where a disappointing attendance year hovers around 2 million fans.  In baseball, our attendance partly pays for approximately 25 players and 10 coaches.  NFL teams NEED to gouge us in order to pay its 53 players and 20 coaches.  Health insurance and other overhead in the football dwarves that of any other professional sport.  High prices are here to stay.  Here, on the other hand, are five other realistic changes NFL teams can make.

1.  Cut down the number of TV timeouts.  How many of you have been bored silly by the 20+ TV timeouts occurring every half?  My solution.  No timeouts after change of possessions.  It's simple.  TV timeouts shall only occur during actual timeouts called by teams or as a result of an injury or a challenge flag.  Have in-game commercials or product placements on telecasts similar to soccer telecasts, increase the called timeouts by 30 seconds or one minute to increase the number of commercials during those breaks.  Enough of the constant milling around.

2.  More Relevant Statistics.  Listen we all have phones to check scores and even stats for our fantasy football players.  I don't want to bring it out though every 15 minutes with Joe from Walpole teetering behind me with his two Bud Lights.  The Stadium scoreboard should not only show out of town scores, but also statistics relevant to most fantasy football players.  The use of the Kangaroo, as discussed in Goodell's press conference, leads me to believe that there will be a ban on cell phones.  I suppose with all the betting that goes on in pro football, why not treat the stadium like a casino and ban cell phones?

3.  No Tailgating.  It pains me to say this as much as it pains you to read it.  But bear with me for a second.  Why not create an area at every football stadium similar to the experience you get on Yawkey Way or Eutaw Street at Camden Yards in Baltimore.  This comes with one caveat - lower beer and food prices - but the football teams may sell that much more beer and food because we're not polishing off three sausages and quarter barrel at the McDonald's parking lot.  This will also improve the experience for families who won't have to explain the vulgarity and unsteady gaits of most football fans to their impressionable children.

4.  Free Stuff.  No t-shirts shot from cannons, no foul balls, no uniform equipment thrown into the stands at the end of the game.  We, as fans, couldn't be more disconnected from the game than in football.  But if I get a t-shirt from some 21 year old intern shooting a water cannon gun at me?  Well then, I can justify the $100 ticket because that t-shirt would have cost me $20 outside the stadium! Seriously, I think that way.

5.  Shorten Games.  This isn't what you think.  Sure, permitting less time on the play clock will help things on a very minimal basis.  What I suggest is that stadiums should stay open late, after the game.  If you watch a 1pm game at a stadium, you will miss the 4pm game getting home.  You may even some or most of the 8pm game.  What if you keep the stadium open and play one of the 4pm games on the big screen?  Permitting beer sales at this point is too sticky, but you can still sell food and other goods.  The additional overhead is minimal since most of the workers are paid on a per game basis.  Combine this with some of the fan friendly type access to the field and I think you have the proverbial gold.

There are a lot of hardcore fans who want to build their fires, drink their beer and piss where they want to piss.  But you know what?  The pink jerseys and the kids are more likely to spend money at the stadium than you are.  The NFL has admitted that they need them as much as they need you.  Goodell realizes this, even if he doesn't admit it.  Listen, my kids love to watch football with me, and that's not a bad thing.  Encouraging us to go to a game or two is not a bad thing.  And we promise not to take any of your beer.

photograph courtesy of oregonlive.com

It's a Shame About Peyton and Ray

It wasn't supposed to happen this way, I keep telling myself.  The Jets were supposed to be playing the Colts this weekend.  The Patriots were supposed to be playing the Chargers in San Diego.  I had to take some time to reflect on this lost season.  When Cassel and the crew finished 11-5 last year, I was convinced that even with a banged up Tom Brady, the Patriots were going to steamroll through the 2009 regular season at 13-3, wait out a much needed bye week, and then destroy Chargers or the Steelers at home in the conference semi final.  Final stop, Miami.

I've never been too good with names
The Bowl door was open, they could never stay away
I know it's probably not my place
It's either or, I'm hoping for a simple way to say.

Instead, after a curious regular season, the listless Patriots fell meekly at home to the Ravens, despite Joe Flacco completing just 4 passes for 34 yards.  I mean, come on, he played like Tony Eason and the Ravens still left us in the dust!  Now, I could blame a lot of things for this loss - Patriot season ticket holders letting Ravens fans have their seats, the enigma that is Randy Moss, a devastating injury to Wes Welker, curious game calling on both sides of the ball - it's all there. 

Even better, the local and national media, pissed off at Spygate and Belichick's secretive nature, piled on.  It was the end of an era, they shrieked.  Parity in the NFL had finally caught up to the Patriots, they argued.  Every local newspaper columnist, radio show host (other than the Brat Pack on the Big Show - Bratwurst that is) and TV reporter was so gleeful about this turn of events that I was getting an uncanny feeling that awkward high fives were occurring in studios and pressrooms across the city.  Not here.  JMR's household will remain irrationally dedicated to this football regime. 

8:30 pm.  Home.  Thinking back through the numerous times I tried to get them excited about football before, I needed my boys to sit here with me.  Maybe they will grow up being diehard Patriots fans, maybe they will hate Dad for forcing this nonsense upon them, maybe something in between.  I thought it was a good start though when C told me (without me prompting him) that he couldn't believe the Ravens won last week, that they were so bad.  I know I couldn't believe it either.  One thing was for sure, whether I have to lie a little bit, or let the facts speak for themselves, my boys will not like the Colts and the Ravens after tonight.  Remember, it wasn't supposed to happen this way.

First Quarter.  I go with the obvious ones here.  I tell them that Ray Lewis once got in a lot of trouble in Atlanta 10 years ago.  I continued that he was set free after he bribed every member of the jury and judge to get free, which was really, REALLY bad.  I threw that in there so C would stop bribing G to play his Nintendo DS.  Maybe I take some liberty with the facts but what's even worse is what Peyton Manning did to those children at the football camp he was conducting for the United Way.  It was disgusting what he did to them.  I know where Mike Leach got his discipline technique from.  The boys were horrified.  Although G asked me why everyone was laughing at those poor kids.  I told him that it was other members of the Indianapolis Colts thinking it was funny. 

Halfway through the First Quarter, I hear "Dad, number 52 is so fat he knocked the other guy out.  Will he go to jail?"  All right, maybe I should take it easy on the jail stuff.

Second Quarter.  Much more of a conciliatory tone this quarter.  Discussions included earthquakes, flatulence and birthday parties.  The only football-related remark occurred when C sighed "This game is soooo boring."  Until, that is, we all perked up after a brutal helmet to helmet hit by Ray Lewis right as the Colts were driving for their second touchdown.  The umpire and I both called that penalty.

"That was really restless, Dad.  I can see why you don't like him.  I don't like him either."  It's not that I don't like him, I just think he's a dirty player. 

It's a shame about Peyton and Ray.
Hands of stone, under the scrum
their names are still engraved.
Some things need to go away.
It's a shame about Peyton and Ray.   

Third Quarter.  One boy has gone down in flames.  Up to bed he went with a drink and some tucking in.  Can the remaining men get through this game?  The way this game is going, it's going to be tough.  I do like however that C thinks that Peyton Manning is yelling at his teammates (when he's actually calling an audible).  I started to explain what he was actually doing, then thought better of it and simply agreed with his assessment.  The only other highlights are the Ravens blowing not one, but two, interceptions by Ed Reed during the last drive of the Quarter.  Not quite Luke when facing Darth in the final scenes of Return of the Jedi, but I can feel the hatred growing!

Fourth Quarter.  We're all getting tired, so before the two of us start fading away, I turn the tables and explain that these guys really aren't that bad, but that it was okay not to like them, so long as they never acted on their feelings.  Especially on a wall in my house.  With 8 minutes left, and trying to fight sleep, C tells me he wants to go to bed.  I help him upstairs, get some water for him and tuck him in too.   

I know what you're thinking.  It's unhealthy to teach such impressionable children to hate anyone or anything.  Well, I'll have them buy some flowers for Mom tomorrow and draw pretty pictures on their day off on Monday.  If you can't have a healthy dislike for someone or something, then you can't appreciate loving your family and friends as much.  By the way, the dreaded Colts wn the game.

To finally borrow from one of my favorite songs - from the Lemonheads:

If I make it through today
I'll know tomorrow not to leave my feelings on display
I'll put the banners back in place
I've never been too good with names
but I remember faces

It's a shame about Peyton and Ray.

Oh well, we still have next year.  

Who Can Beat JMann Review? NFL Playoffs Game Blog

The season of my discontent has begun.  So many teams have laid down these last three weeks, that I don't know who can beat whom anymore.  Are the Bengals, Cardinals, Eagles and Patriots the dogs that they looked like last week?  Are the Cowboys and Jets any good despite shaky Quarterbacks and even shakier coaching?  As an added "bonus"  three of the games are week 17 rematches. 

The award-winning handicapping team of C, G and S try to sift through all of the rhetoric and propaganda to pick winners in the four wild card games.  Home teams are on the bottom and in case that doesn't work, they are in ALLCAPS too.

Jets
BENGALS (-3)

C:  Bengals.  "This person in my class wears a Bengals hat and says that the Bengals are really good."  He must have spoken to him before last Sunday.
G:  Jets.  "A jet is like a plane and they will zoom for a touchdown."  This will turn out to be a theme of G's picks.
S:  Jets.  "Because...because we flew in a jet."  I had to prompt that out of her otherwise it would have been "Because" "Because why?" "Because" etc.  I'm just happy that she's helping.

JMR:  Jets.  @OGOchoCinco is hurt, the Bengals looked downright outmatched against the Jets even though they played their starters and shaky quarterbacks aren't important when its cold, windy and you have the best rushing offense in the NFL.  I think the Bengals overachieved this year, and that will lead to a one and out.  Jets 24-7.

Eagles
COWBOYS (-4)

C:  Cowboys.  "Because they throw ropes at people, whip them around and have them fall like dominoes."
G:  Eagles.  "They are a bird and they can zoom for a touchdown!"  "The Cardinals will so crush them." C exclaims.  I begin to start talking about the physilogical differences between eagles and cardinals as a counterpoint, but think better of it.
S:  No pick, too busy packing.

JMR:  Eagles.  Yes, the Cowboys defense has been playing very well recently, including a thrashing of the Eagles in Week 17.  I just can't get over the fact that the Cowboys aren't going anywhere with Wade Phillips or Tony Romo.  Couple that with an Eagles team that had won 6 in a row before Week 17.  I think you will have 21-16 Eagles victory.

Ravens
PATRIOTS (-3.5)

C:  Ravens.  "Because G is going to pick the Patriots."  Not a good reason, so don't count on this pick.
G:  Patriots.  "Because they are the bestest team in world!"  I like them too big man.
S:  Ravens.  "They are pretty birdies."  I had to tell her that a Raven is a bird, although I did not tell her the derivation of the team's name.  Edgar Allen Poe and all.

JMR:  Patriots.  I don't think the Patriots have it this year.  They can't beat anyone on the road.  Wes Welker was a huge loss.  They have a tendency to dissappear against good teams and their inexperienced secondary is vulnerable to a good passing attack.  Luckily, this is all irrelevant for this game.  Patriots 27 Ravens 14.

Green Bay
CARDINALS (+1.5)

C:  Cardinals. 
G:  Packers.  "Pack means to go on vacation in a plane or a car and they can use that plane or car to zoom for a touchdown."  He's just so happy to help me.
S:  Cardinals.  "Because they are funny."  Everyone is funny to her this morning, but I'll go with it.

JMR:  Packers.  I never like taking the road favorite, but the Cardinals had their run last year.  They have too many injuries this year leading into the playoffs - Anquan Boldin and two defensive starters.  The Packers on the other hand finished the second half of the year 7-1, including wins over three teams playng this weekend.

Now time for munchkins, chocolate milk and coffee.  Here we go.

Who Can Beat Jmann Review? NFL Game Blog #4

In NFL Game Blog #3, I had indicated that division games are always difficult matchups even when one team is good and one team is mediocre or worse.  That theory was proven when the heavily favored Cowboys barely eked out a 7-6 victory over the Zornskins at home.  It might also be that Dallas is mediocre itself.  I also picked against that theory by taking the Patriots at home over the lowly Jets even though they were giving 10.5 points.  That game was such a blow out that I left the stadium at halftime.  And I'm sticking to that story.

This week will really test our handicapping ability as several games fall into the handicapping netherworld of pick 'ems and spreads between 4 and 6 points.  These are the toughest games; particularly the games with 5 or 5.5 point spreads.  I mean who wins by that many points?  To assist in our endeavor, I have also recruited my three year daughter (DLG) to help the three of us.  Believe me, I tried to ignore the "Daddy, can I help?" whines, to no avail.

9am.  We are all excited to begin, particularly when I told C and G that they don't have to help me rake the leaves if they help me pick the games.  Home teams are in capital letters.

FALCONS (+5.5)
Eagles

C:  Eagles.  "I like the Eagles because they are faster than Falcons."
G:  Eagles. "Because there are two birds on the team!"  Perhaps he thinks that they are playing together?
DLG:  Falcons.  "Because..."  "Because why?"  I ask her.  "Because why." she answers with a Coach K smirk on her face.  Let's just go with the Falcons; I don't have a chance.
JMR:  I like the Falcons in this game.  Matt Ryan hasn't been Tom Brady this year, so the difference in QBs is negligible.  I think between Mcihael Turner and their other skill players, Chris Redman will be just fine.  If Turner doesn't play either though, forget this pick.

DOLPHINS (+4)
Patriots

C:  Dolphins.  "Because Dolphins, when they come up for air and then go back down into the water, they hit people in the head with their tails."  I like the physiological approach, if not the reasoning for why they would win.
G:  Patriots.  "They are the best team in the whole entire world.  At least you know he didn't stay up late with his uncle to watch the Saints game.
DLG:  Patriots.  "Because..." "Because why?" I ask her. "Because why. Hahahahahah!!!" she answers. "Thank you sweetie for your help.  Can you find Mommy for me?"  I tell her, knowing that Mommy is hiding in the bedroom closet trying to stay away from us.
JMR:  Patriots.  I think the Saints game demonstrated that the Saints are just a well-coached, talented team, and not that the Patriots are falling apart.  Also, Chad Henne does not strike fear into anyone's heart like Drew Brees does.

BENGALS (-13)
Lions

C:  Lions.  "Lions can kill tigers and are more restless [N.B. I'm told restless means aggressive to him].
G:  Bengals.  "Tigers are faster than Lions." He looked at me quizzically when I asked him if he liked the Bengals.  Then I explained a Bengal is a type of Tiger, and the resulting excitement was off the charts.
JMR:  Lions.  I picked the Lions to win this game in my preseason review of the Lions team.  I'm not backing off now.  In fact, I like the Lions winning outright.

BROWNS (+13.5)
Chargers

C:  Browns.  "I like eating brownies.  Do we have any brownies, Dad?"  No you can't have a brownie at 9am in the morning.  Unless you get Dad a diet coke too while you're in there.
G:  Chargers.  "Because Drake and Josh live in San Diego."  He's used that one before, but he's also winning at a 75% clip, so I'll go with the kid on this one. 
JMR:  Chargers.  They are peaking at the right time (for the Patriots and the Colts, that is, well before the playoffs begin).  I see this game finishing with a Chargers 31-6 win.

I also like the BEARS (-9) (has there been a worse 9 point favorite in the history of the NFL?  Oh yeah, the Seahawks last week), Raiders (+14.5), Titans (+7), CHIEFS (+5), Saints (-9.5), PANTHERS (-5.5), Jaguars (Pick 'em), GIANTS (+2.5), 49ers (Pick 'em), Vikings (-3) and PACKERS (-3).  A three team tease with the Saints, Patriots and Giants is a sure winner. 

Last Week 8-6
Season 26-18

Who Can Beat Jmann Review? NFL Game Blog #3

10-4.  Week 4 was kind.  In fact, taking my advice about the three team teases would have netted the wise bettor numerous wins.  But that was Week 4.  By now the lines have adjusted to the truly putrid teams, and as a result the games are getting harder to pick.  C and G don't think so, however.  As soon as I pull them away from Icarly and The Troop, our quest for a perfect week (as explained below) will begin.

8:30pm.  Luckily my pickers are eager to help out this week, particularly when I explain that we could win a million dollars if we pick all of the games correctly.  Even more so when I told them that they could each have a thousand dollars if we win.  It was either that or the possibility of staying up later than their bedtime with Dad.  Probably the cash. 

"Does the money come out of the computer?  Where do you pick it up, in Boston or at your work?  Will you give any money to Mommy?"  All right, enough questions!  Don't make me compound my lies, kids.

Redskins
COWBOYS (-11)

C:  Redskins.  No need to go into the reason.
G:  Redskins.  "Because the Cowboys are letting them score 11 points."  I don't think he fully understands point spreads.  Or does he?
JMANN REVIEW:  Redskins.  I never like giving up this many points for a divisional matchup.  The Cowboys looked awful against Green Bay, and frankly they have not blown anyone out all year.  I see the Cowboys winning 17-16.

Jets
PATRIOTS (-10.5)

C:  Jets.  "Because they're starting with 10 points."  Heresy, child!
G:  Patriots.  "Because they are the best team in the whole world."  Now that's more like it.  "Actually, I like the Jets, too." 
C:  "Stop copying me!"  Ugh.  Maybe I've talked about Fourth and Two a little too much this week.  I will just say this - I liked the call.  If the call worked, it may have broken a Colts team right there with a rookie head coach.  Either way, it may be just a prelude to Belichick's decision making in the AFC Championship Game.
JMANN REVIEW:  I like the Patriots.  Of course I am going against my own advice from the Redskins pick.  But honestly, there's no crying in football, Rex, unless you're Michael Irvin.  Add that to the team's record in revenge games, and I see a score like 38-7.  Maybe more.

Eagles
BEARS (+3)

C:  Eagles.  "Because the eagles can fly and automatically get touchdowns."
G:  Bears.  "Because they're called the Bears and they are good at running.  Hey Dad, look at me running!"
JMANN REVIEW:  Bears.  I have no confidence in Jay Cutler, but I have even less confidence in an Eagles team without Brian Westbrook.  Hey Jay!  I'm hanging on by a thread here in my fnatasy football league.  Instead of Maurice Jones-Drew, I wish I could get an apology from you for owning your sorry ass.  Can I get a start from you that does not include errant and/or random throws into double coverage?  Devin Hester is NOT Reggie Wayne, or Randy Moss. 

Falcons
GIANTS (-6.5)

C:  Giants.  "Because giants can stomp on the people trying to stop them and when those people get away and still try to stop them, all they can touch are the giants' shoes and giants won't even feel them."  That's how I felt in the 2008 Super Bowl after "the Helmet Catch," except they usually call it holding or chopblock on the offensive line.
G:  Falcons.  "Because they sound like a cow."  Huh?
JMANN REVIEW:  Falcons.  Sorry Giants fans; they just aren't that good.

Browns
LIONS (-3.5)

C:  Browns.  "I don't know why I like them, so don't ask."
G:  Lions.  "Because they can run really, really, really, really, fast."
C:  "No, the fastest animal is the cheetah.  A lion can only run 10 miles per hour.  Did you know that a cheetah can run 70 miles and hour?  I wish a team was named the "Cheetahs.""  Sounds like a new WNBA franchise nickname, no?  Or what the Irish-Americans in Boston called the French after Thierry Henry's "hand of God" goal.
JMANN REVIEW:  Lions.  They go for their second win of the season against possibly the worst team ever, oh the irony.  I'm not even sure they call him "Mangenious" in the Mangini household.  But I could use someone to glare like that at my children when they forget to take out the garbage.

My other picks include: Miami (no, really), Packers (-6.5), Steelers (-10), Bucs (+11), Colts (-1.5), Vikings (-10.5), Raiders (+9.5), Broncos (+3) and Titans (+4.5).  If I had my druthers, I might look into a three team tease that includes the Patriots, the Steelers and the Vikings.  Now about Icarly and The Troop.  Probably not the best shows for impressionable children to watch, but then again, I showed them the fight in the stands after the guy tries to give his hockey stick to the little kid after the Anaheim Mighty Ducks game.

Week 4:  10-4.
Season:  18-12. 

Who Can Beat Jmann Review? NFL Game Blog #2

After a sterling 8-8 showing in Week 2, Jmann Review, C and G are back for more in Week 4.  The games appear a little easier to pick as several teams just plain stink.  2 or 3 game teases should be your preferred choice of the day against these teams.  C and G get their football jerseys on, and, after telling them that this time they are playing for real money, they watch the NFL Network's pregame show with me to prime their picks.  More importantly, Jmann Review continues its long journey to a .500 record.

Baltimore
New England (-1.5)

C:  New England.  "They're the best team."
G:  New England.  "They're the best team."
C:  "You are such a copycat!"  "I hate you, you are such a butthead!"
Jmann Review:  I like New England at home.  Baltimore has never won in Foxboro and in fact has been blown out twice by a combined score of 44-6.  Now we're going to take a little break so that my assistants may experience a little "attitude adjustment."

All right, that "attitude adjustment" actually resulted in bedtime.  Now we're we're sitting here on Sunday morning.  I've switched up the order so I don't have to hear the words "Copycat" or "Butthead."

Green Bay
Minnesota (-4)

G:  Minnesota.  "Because there is a king in the world and he'll play for the Vikings!  Will the King play for the Vikings?"
C:  Minnesota.  "Vikings kill people.  I've seen them do that on Spongebob."  I guess that's another show I have to block on cable.  I lose another babysitter, too.
Jmann Review:  Minnesota.  I don't think the players care about Brett Favre nearly as much as the fans do.  Minnesota will win in a walkover.  But Favre will throw three interceptions in the process.

Dallas
Denver (+3)

G:  Dallas.  "Because I picked them last time."  Good memory; I hope he remembers that he has to clean his room and make his bed after we're done.
C:  Denver.  "I think the Broncos is a cool name"  I ask him if he knows what a "bronco" is.  "Yeah, a guy who plays football on Sunday"  Okay, I can't argue with that.
Jmann Review:  Denver.  Dallas and Tashard (third) Choice are going to have a tough time against the Kyle Orton-led offense.  Imagine that, Josh McDaniel.

NY Jets
New Orleans (-7.5)

G:  New Orleans.  "I'm never going to pick a team from New York to win.  Yankees?  No. NO!"  OK, settle down big guy
C:  New York Jets.  "Jets go really fast."
Jmann Review:  Jets.  As much as it pains me to say it, the Jets have a very good team.  I think the turf is great place for their fast defense to dominate. 

Detroit
Chicago (-10)

G:  Chicago.  "They sound like a good team."  When I ask him what that means, he stares at me.  "Can I play the Wii now if I tell you why they sound like a good team?"  I tell him no, but that he can go outside.  Guess where he is right now?
C:  Chicago.  "Bears are a lot more restless than Lions are."  Before I can ask him what the hell that means, he follows G outside.
Jmann Review: Chicago. The Bears have faced a couple of stiff defenses.  I think now that they play a couple of cupcakes, Jay Cutler will start getting going.

Write the rest of this down, Cincinnati (-7), Oakland (+9), Indianapolis (-10), New York Giants (-9), Jacksonville (+3), Tampa Bay (+7.5), Miami (Pick 'em), San Francisco (-10), San Diego (+7).  In fact, if I were betting man, I would do a three team tease taking a combination of Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Chicago, New York Giants, San Francisco and San Diego. 

Is it Really Better to Watch Football on TV?

The crowds at the urinals, the traffic, the obscenely expensive ticket prices, parking fees and beers. I've been bombarded with generalizations about how much better it is to watch football games on TV. Is it really true? Can football be more enjoyable with HDTV, a six pack and a couple of actual kids, rather than live action, $7.50 beers and several thousand "kids?"

Foxboro, MA.  8am.  September 27, 2009.  I readily admit that I was watching the Weather Channel radar this morning when I heard the rain outside my window.  I continued to watch the Weather Channel update station (where no one talks, its just a continuous loop of the doppler radar) while marinading the steak tips with my special Jameson's marinade.  I just don't have a good record with weather at football games.  Rain at the Jets game, Snow at the Jaguars game.  A couple of Dolphins games that swore me off of live football forever, or at least temporarily, as it turns out.  But it's difficult to turn down an opportunity to go to a game, even though I am so woefully unprepared for weather at football games.  Contrast with...

Home.  5pm.  September 14, 2009.  It's the first game of the season.  Tom Brady is playing his first game in months, and the Patriots have the early 7pm game of a Monday Night Doubleheader.  This is set up for a perfect TV experience.  But wait!  I find out that my wife has to work until 6pm tonight.  I'm not sure who's more bummed out, me or the kids, since they are going to have to fend for themselves for dinner and bedtime.  I figure that the 7 year old can make his younger brother and sister waffles - it is the Patriots opening night after all.  They can also get themselves some goldfish, I left the packages where they can reach them in the pantry.  That's okay, I think to myself.  Waffles and goldfish just this one time.  Besides, I was teaching Daddy's Little Girl (DLG) to say on command "Are you ready for some football?"

PREGAME:

Foxboro, MA. 9:30am.  We get to the parking lot a little late and park near the far corner.  I'm told that we're parking dangerously close to this group of very sensitive 50 year old guys who claim that corner as their own.  We park in this lot because of the proximity and ease of the HOV lane.  They park in this lot (and this corner of the lot specifically) because that is the best spot for their Bose stereo and tent placement.  They kind of look like a poor man's Sons of Anarachy.  In fact, I see one guy pay the parking attendant an extra $20 (at least) to save spots for their buddies, and park other cars at an angle to maximize their tent coverage.  Seriously?  Yes, seriously they answer as we're told six times that their buddies are coming and we need to move the tent we're setting up.  And NOW.  "Can you just wait until our tent is locked in?" my buddy asks.  "No, you see they're in line up there, they'll be here in 5 or 10 minutes." they answer.  These guys are really worried.  Luckily, I brought some cupcakes to settle everyone down.  Otherwise they really might have gone after that Falcons fan.

Home.  5:30pm.  I get a frantic call from my wife.  The gift cards that my wife so generously gave me for a couple of free rounds of golf were actually meant to be donated to her charity tournament.  "You didn't give one to my Father did you?"  "Well yeah, you told me to."  I answer.  "Damn it!"  She shrieks.  I'm not sure if she's saying this because of all of the times I picked to actually listen to her, I picked this one.  But no matter because she has to race home and then race to Hanson to get the charity golf cards and then drop them back off.  6pm is out of the question now.  "Do you mind taking one of the boys?" I, er, ask myself when she comes home to pick up one of the cards.  I'm pretty sure she didn't hear that question because it followed my question of whether she knew how to get back to the Club she just came from. 

7pm is OK, though, because I'll just crack open one of the Bud Lights I left for myself and sit...what the Hell happened to the beer I left?  Oh great.  "Daddy, I'm thirsty." DLG sweetly says to me.  "You and me both, cutie.  You and me both."

GAMETIME

Foxboro, MA.  12:55pm.  I have to admit that the 3 sausages, 10 shrimp, 8 steak tips and the three beers have made the half jog to the Stadium a little difficult.  P90X doesn't teach you fitness when you fill your stomach with toxins.  When we get to the stadium, my buddy has a great idea, that I can't help but think has been implemented before.  Although our seats are in the 300 level, let's just start the game in the 100 level, he explains.  Interesting concept, maybe just for a couple of minutes.  "Just wait until the usherette is busy helping someone and just slip in with the crowd."  Wait, this sounds a little too nefarious for my taste, but I capitulate because at this point it's easier going down stairs than up ramps.  We settle into the seats below.

To make us pay for our transgressions, the football Gods put us next to a guy from Los Angeles who is vigorously rooting against the Patriots - not for the Falcons - but against the Patriots.  Before I knew he was from L.A., I asked this tool who quarterbacked the Falcons when they went to their only Super Bowl a couple of years ago.  I couldn't remember the answer either, but who cares, I'm the one ASKING the questions here.  Finally, after the First Quarter, when it was clear that these seats weren't going to be taken away from us, I mentioned that we should go.  I had to go to the bathroom anyway.  "Come on let's stay, these seats are ours.  Just go take a leak, and when you come back, just act like you own the place."  Too tired to debate, I come back from the bathroom (with no line in the 100 Section), go the the aisle and proceed to point to a couple of people I didn't know and said "What's up!" and gave the usherette a knowing nod.  I'm not sure I know what "acting like I own the place" actually means.  My kids own my house.  One observation, I love painted faces.  My wife would kill me if I embarrassed myself in that way, but painted faces are just plain cool.  Patriots 26 Atlanta 10.

Home. 7pm.  The game starts.  I tell the boys that if they watch the game, they can stay up past their bedtimes.  I know bribery is not a good parenting practice.  "Are there going to be fireworks or muskets," my 5 year old asks, clearly still scarred from the preseason game we went to a couple of weeks before.  "Not if you sit down and don't make a sound." I gently explain to him.  I then wink at my 7 year old, who seems to get the joke.  If I'm going to bribe my kids, I might as well manipulate them into being quiet too.  Finally, my wife comes home at 7:30.  She asks me why the kids aren't in bed yet on a school night, I ask her if she got any beer to replace the ones she drank the night before.  My question didn't go over well, so I just sat back down, while she graciously put the boys to bed.  As she goes up stairs I defiantly tell her that DLG is in bed.  "Good job."  She mutters.  I proceed to watch an awful game until the last 5 minutes, but you know how it ends.  Patriots 25 Bills 24.

POSTGAME

Foxboro, MA.  4:30pm.  It's still early and everyone is happy.  A couple of the sensitive types are lying on the grass/mud near their Bose speaker.  I'm not really sure if they went in to the game or just got drunk and listened to their Snoop Dog/Lynyrd Skynyrd mix tape.  Experienced some traffic, then drank some more beer and a celebratory shot of Jamesons, then swent home a couple of hours later.  Have to go to work the next morning.

Home. 10:15pm.  Everyone is in bed.  So I go to bed, too.  Have to go to work the next morning.

Attending games in person is an expensive adventure.  These tickets are scarce (I know being on the wait list for years) and so they come with a premium.  However, there is not substitute for a football game live.  The camaraderie, the smells, the excitement just can't be duplicated no matter how many guys are in front of the TV and how clear the picture is.  I give the edge to live action.  Maybe when I get my tickets, my 5 year old won't be so afraid of the muskets and fireworks.

  

Who Can Beat JMann Review? NFL Game Blog #1

I have reviewed the NFL picks of others for years.  Whether it be for my fantasy football teams, my Streak for Cash, or to bet points for entertainment purposes on little white cards, I have poured over numerous articles and columns from writers purporting to know more than the next.  Inevitably, they all end the season within a couple of games of .500.  Why spend $500 for a picking service when the best you can hope for is a 50% win rate?  It's cheaper to have an amateur like me pick the games for you.  I promise to be within a couple of games of .500 too.  And I will prove this point with my sporadic NFL Game Blog.  I think any one can pick games, including myself; I mean, it's like picking heads or tails, really.  This week's edition features two of the finest athletes I know related to me, C and G. 

7pm.  With much hesitation, and a promise that if they pick every game right they'll win ten dollars, my assistant pickers sidle up next to me.  They figure this a good way to avoid cleaning their rooms, I hear them whisper to each other.

New England
New York Jets (+4)

G:  NE.  "They are the greatest team in the whole entire world."  What more can I add?
C:  NE.  Wanting to pick against his brother, err other picker, C instead decides to go with the obvious choice.  "Tom Brady is the best quarterback," he declares as I glare at him to pick New England.
JMann Review:  NE.  Expect a score like 31-10.

New York Giants
Dallas (-3)

C:  Dallas.  "Because Cowboys are tough..." he says,  "...to keep out of jail," "to keep away from the cheerleaders," I start thinking to myself.  I have a million of them.
G:  Dallas. "And because New York are the Yankees, and I hate the Yankees."  I ask G why he didn't say the same thing for the Jets game.  They're in New York?"  I guess technically, but no one cares about them.
JMann Review.  Dallas.  I call it right here. No one is hitting the scoreboard this year.  A punter who makes his punt coverage cover a punt a second time because he hits the scoreboard might get his pencil-neck broken.  My other call:  Dallas will not win the Super Bowl with Tony Romo as the starting quarterback.  After the muffed field goal attempt against the Seahawks a couple of years ago, I concluded that Tony Romo can't lead a team to a big win, he's just to much of a nervous nelly.  I don't call too many people that, but its the best description I can think for him. 

Baltimore
San Diego (-3)

G.  San Diego. "Baltimore played the Red Sox and they lost, when we saw them.  Drake and Josh live in San Diego, may be they will be on the Chargers."
C:  San Diego.  "I like the Chargers because you are charged up and you'll push people over."  I guess its better than one team beating another because of the ferociousness of the team name. 
JMann Review:  Baltimore.  It seems like everyone on the Chargers is hurt.  I think we'll stop now to listen to "San Diego Super Chargers, San Diego Chargers!"

Pittsburgh
Chicago (+3)

G:  Chicago.  "I like their name.  Bears will crush them!"  I guess there goes that theory about picking winners from their team names.  Although I'm surprised that he didn't go with the Steelers because there is a Pokemon character with a similar sounding name.
C:  Chicago.  "Teams don't win two Super Bowls in a row."  Except the Patriots, and the Cowboys, and the Steelers, and the Packers back in the 1960's.  I like the logic, though.
JMann Review:  Steelers.  Jay Cutler sucks.  Absolutely terrible.  I have him on my fantasy football team, and I chose not to start anyone at quarterback and keep Cutler on the bench.  Coach Dale would be proud of me. 

At this point, the new ICarly starts, so I've lost my assistants.  They were kind enough, however, to give me the rest of their picks.

C:  Philadelphia, Minnesota, Washington, Atlanta, Jacksonville, Cincinnati, Tennessee, Kansas City, Buffalo, Seattle, Denver and Miami.

G:  Philadelphia, Minnesota, Washington, Carolina, Jacksonville, Green Bay, Tennessee, Kansas City, Buffalo, San Francisco, Denver and Miami.

JMann Review:  New Orleans (-1.5), Minnesota (-9.5), Washington (-10), Jacksonville (-3.5), Carolina (+6), Cincinnati (+9), Tennessee (+7), Oakland (+3), Tampa Bay (+4.5), Seattle (+1), Denver (-3) and Indianapolis (-3).

The journey toward 10 dollars begins.

Simba or Nala, Detroit Lions 2009

Coaching is one of the most important factors in a football team's success or failure. Especially in a league that values and encourages parity, coaching, whether good or bad, can make the difference between the playoffs and the playouts. Bill Belichick took a reeling Patriots team that didn't want to sing "Lean on me" with Pete Carroll to the Super Bowl two years later. Bill Walsh exerted his genius to take the 49ers to the Super Bowl shortly after a 2-14 season. That being said, what do the following quotes have in common?

"But this league is about winning..."

"I don't look into the future...I'm going to get up and go to work."

"But overall, I feel that the progression of this team was a good one."

"Am I discouraged? No way, I'm not."

"The record doesn't show it, but I have great belief in myself."

Perhaps you were stumped -was it a Pop Warner coach? - until you read that last quote. Former head coach Rod Marinelli offered those post-game quotes when the Lions were sitting at 0-2, 0-4, 0-6, 0-10 and 0-12, respectively, last year. There is a symmetry with the games I picked for quotes, as there was no shortage of delusional quotes from the beleaguered coach after odd-numbered games, too. I still shake my head when I reread that Marinelli thinks the NFL is about winning. (Robert Kraft and Jerry Jones may still say its about $10 beers and sausages, and not about winning.)

Lions fans were of course hopeful when the pathetic Matt Millen was fired after the third week of the season last year, but the Lions just could not turn things around. The benchings of both Daunte Culpepper and Dan Orlovsky DURING GAMES must have led some to bring the paper bags out. I tried to see during the Thanksgiving Day game, but I was asleep about three minutes after the Turkey was eaten. Besides, its difficult to come up with a pithy name for a bad Lions' team like the "Ain'ts" back in New Orleans in the 1980's. It was hopeless.

Contrast the above with the following quotes from earlier this year:

"But it's going to be our decision here and its going to be based on the information we have at hand...not from taking a poll and not from an 'ask the audience' lifeline."

"But there were a couple [of players] that probably took themselves off the bubble, maybe more in a negative way rather than a positive way..."

Short of Barry Sanders taking over the head coaching position, these are the most refreshing thoughts to come along Lionland in while, and they are from the new head coach, Jim Schwartz. Except for the fact that Coach probably didn't know that "Who wants to be a Millionaire" is on only in the daytime now, I am encouraged that the Lions have finally righted the ship. Remember good coaching can make a mediocre team decent, just as easily as bad coaching can make a team, well, 0-16. Starting a football career working for Bill Belichick can't hurt either?

Presuming Matthew Stafford does not supplant Daunte Culpepper until week six of the season, the Lions have brought in a lot of young players whose immediate impact is questionable. However, offensive stalwarts Calvin Johnson and Kevin Smith are each one year older and the defense won't give up 517 points again, right? Review: I'm predicting home wins against the Redskins, the Rams and the Browns and an away win against the Bengals (long rest after Thanksgiving). 4-12. Eh, could be worse.

Favre Hole Review

It was a beautiful night on the outskirts of Plymouth. Ten men had gathered, laptops in hand, to conduct (for me at least), the first annual NE Fantasy Football League Draft. I was skeptical, never having done a live draft before, that I would succeed in such a foreign environment. Usually, I just let the computer pick for me, but this time I had a game plan - SLEEPERS.

7pm. After a couple of beers from the kegerator, and a couple of scathing texts from my wife openly questioning both my manhood and maturity, the draft began. I believed that having the second pick was a Godsend. ESPN's computer suggested that I pick Michael Turner, but instead I chose Maurice Jones-Drew.

In a twelve man league, my euphoria was quickly replaced by dread as all the other good players were taken in front of my next pick - #23. Steve Slaton, Randy Moss, were all taken in front of me, so I settled for Reggie Wayne. My team wasn't shaping up so well since I picked a woman with a hyphenated name and a guy that I wished Jim Sorgi would throw to. Things improved though with my next three picks - Roddy White at 26, Jay Cutler at 47 and Antonio Gates at 50. I finally reached for that third beer.

My next pick, Knowshon Moreno at #71 was met with silence reserved only for new guys. But the computer told me to pick him!

I'm listening to the story of the drunk guy who crashed into the poles protecting the front door of the local liquor store, only to climb over the hood of his car to get inside when my turn came up at 74. Vikings D. I figured I had to take a Viking, being the "Through the Favre Hole" and everything, and I sure as hell wasn't going to take Favre. My philosophy was that Favre was going to turn the ball over in the redzone, which made it easier for the Vikings' D to turn the ball back over for a Pick Six. It was at this point too that I started looking at bye weeks and match ups. Next came Beanie, Jerricho Cotchery and Felix Jones. I sandwiched a kicker and a crappy QB between my fourth beer. The steal of the draft, I think was my next pick...Percy Harvin #146. Another Viking for Favre to overthrow in the red zone.

My draft ended with the Seahawks D, K Kris Brown and TE Marcedes Lewis. Noone was happy when when Mr. irrelevant was selected. I think overall that I have a mediocre team, but in a 12 team league, all of our teams are mediocre. My game plan of picking sleepers was only partly successful. I missed out on Slaton, Rice, Royal, etc., but got Felix Jones and Percy Harvin. We got next.