Saturday, September 19, 2009

Who Can Beat JMann Review? NFL Game Blog #1

I have reviewed the NFL picks of others for years.  Whether it be for my fantasy football teams, my Streak for Cash, or to bet points for entertainment purposes on little white cards, I have poured over numerous articles and columns from writers purporting to know more than the next.  Inevitably, they all end the season within a couple of games of .500.  Why spend $500 for a picking service when the best you can hope for is a 50% win rate?  It's cheaper to have an amateur like me pick the games for you.  I promise to be within a couple of games of .500 too.  And I will prove this point with my sporadic NFL Game Blog.  I think any one can pick games, including myself; I mean, it's like picking heads or tails, really.  This week's edition features two of the finest athletes I know related to me, C and G. 

7pm.  With much hesitation, and a promise that if they pick every game right they'll win ten dollars, my assistant pickers sidle up next to me.  They figure this a good way to avoid cleaning their rooms, I hear them whisper to each other.

New England
New York Jets (+4)

G:  NE.  "They are the greatest team in the whole entire world."  What more can I add?
C:  NE.  Wanting to pick against his brother, err other picker, C instead decides to go with the obvious choice.  "Tom Brady is the best quarterback," he declares as I glare at him to pick New England.
JMann Review:  NE.  Expect a score like 31-10.

New York Giants
Dallas (-3)

C:  Dallas.  "Because Cowboys are tough..." he says,  " keep out of jail," "to keep away from the cheerleaders," I start thinking to myself.  I have a million of them.
G:  Dallas. "And because New York are the Yankees, and I hate the Yankees."  I ask G why he didn't say the same thing for the Jets game.  They're in New York?"  I guess technically, but no one cares about them.
JMann Review.  Dallas.  I call it right here. No one is hitting the scoreboard this year.  A punter who makes his punt coverage cover a punt a second time because he hits the scoreboard might get his pencil-neck broken.  My other call:  Dallas will not win the Super Bowl with Tony Romo as the starting quarterback.  After the muffed field goal attempt against the Seahawks a couple of years ago, I concluded that Tony Romo can't lead a team to a big win, he's just to much of a nervous nelly.  I don't call too many people that, but its the best description I can think for him. 

San Diego (-3)

G.  San Diego. "Baltimore played the Red Sox and they lost, when we saw them.  Drake and Josh live in San Diego, may be they will be on the Chargers."
C:  San Diego.  "I like the Chargers because you are charged up and you'll push people over."  I guess its better than one team beating another because of the ferociousness of the team name. 
JMann Review:  Baltimore.  It seems like everyone on the Chargers is hurt.  I think we'll stop now to listen to "San Diego Super Chargers, San Diego Chargers!"

Chicago (+3)

G:  Chicago.  "I like their name.  Bears will crush them!"  I guess there goes that theory about picking winners from their team names.  Although I'm surprised that he didn't go with the Steelers because there is a Pokemon character with a similar sounding name.
C:  Chicago.  "Teams don't win two Super Bowls in a row."  Except the Patriots, and the Cowboys, and the Steelers, and the Packers back in the 1960's.  I like the logic, though.
JMann Review:  Steelers.  Jay Cutler sucks.  Absolutely terrible.  I have him on my fantasy football team, and I chose not to start anyone at quarterback and keep Cutler on the bench.  Coach Dale would be proud of me. 

At this point, the new ICarly starts, so I've lost my assistants.  They were kind enough, however, to give me the rest of their picks.

C:  Philadelphia, Minnesota, Washington, Atlanta, Jacksonville, Cincinnati, Tennessee, Kansas City, Buffalo, Seattle, Denver and Miami.

G:  Philadelphia, Minnesota, Washington, Carolina, Jacksonville, Green Bay, Tennessee, Kansas City, Buffalo, San Francisco, Denver and Miami.

JMann Review:  New Orleans (-1.5), Minnesota (-9.5), Washington (-10), Jacksonville (-3.5), Carolina (+6), Cincinnati (+9), Tennessee (+7), Oakland (+3), Tampa Bay (+4.5), Seattle (+1), Denver (-3) and Indianapolis (-3).

The journey toward 10 dollars begins.

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