I'm starting to get paranoid - really paranoid. Will it be the Russian mobsters? Or the Islamic jihadists? Perhaps the Chinese? An insider in the White House maybe? Tell the truth, Jack. 24 is back. Your favorite CTU bad boy returns for another season. So what if he's 50 years old and on his death bed as a result of exposure to biological weapons in last season's bloodbath? Keifer Sutherland puts down the commercial voiceovers and the Jack Daniels long enough to again lead the clueless President (Cherry Jones) and the off-her-rocker FBI Agent Renee (Annie Wersching) past the bad guys. We have been promised a more human Jack Bauer. I don't want to believe it, but I can understand that its getting tougher every year to pretend that Jack can actually kick anyone's ass at this point. But really who cares - 4 hours of jam packed action is starting now.
The following takes place between the hours of 8pm and 9pm. Events occur in real time.
In the office pool, I've taken Episode 8 as the episode when we discover who the real bad guy(s) are. I may have gone a little early here.
After a couple of guys are found dead and a shootout occurs, we cut to Jack lying the couch with his granddaughter asking him to put on a show (that's a familiar refrain). I can't help to ask the question - Jack was about to die at the end of last year. He even had a "Come to Jesus" meeting with the Muslim cleric. Now he's perfectly fine with a passing mention of his "treatment?" Aren't biological weapons supposed to be pretty bad? Lethal even?
The scene then shifts to President Omar Hassan from an unnamed Arab country readying an historic Middle East peace accord. I suspect that an Arab splinter group is behind the trouble this year. I do see that Hassan only lasts for 16 episodes, so this dude obviously dies. (N.B. If a little IMDB research provides information from which one can deduce other information, I don't consider it a spoiler). Now its time for my favorite Gatorade Commercial "I can float like a butterfly, and sting like a bee!"
We're back. "Omar, people are starting to believe that you've been corrupted by the West." Yes. Us Westerners are bad, bad people with our indoor plumbing, good oral hygiene and big American TVs. But maybe its true, since at the precise same time, an informant from some previous year starts telling Jack about a plot to assassinate President Hassan.
Trying to get all of the plotting devices in during Episode One, the camera then cuts to the newly revamped CTU. Instead of calling the police, Jack calls CTU about the impending threat to President Hassan. Chloe and her sad sack scowl is back trying to make some money since her wussy Scottish husband Morris doesn't want to step up to the plate. She wrestles with the woman from Battlestar Gallactica for control of CTU's computer analysis center. Figuratively. When this information reaches President Taylor, she wants to take some time about whether to tell someone that he is about to be killed. She sends her daughter off to prison for killing Jon Voight and ten she keeps silent on this kind of information. Tough love this woman has.
Shoot. I'm already wrong. Some Russian guy just took out a CTU helicopter as Jack tries to get his informant to the authorities. I guess the shooter is Russian, the accent was pretty choppy. Kind of like actors taking cracks at the Massachusetts accent when they play one of the Kennedys. Also, the blond reporter that is having a tryst with President Hassan just got off the phone with a menacing look on her face exclaiming "I know I'm behind schedule, but I'll get it done." I am already confused, and that is a good thing.
I have to admit that I watched all four hours. While this review is only for the first hour, I will make a couple of observations overall. It appears that the unbelievable plot twists remain. Freddie Prinze, Jr.? Agent Renee Walker is going to be terrific this year, she appears to be absolutely crazy. Plot line with the crazy red neck ex-boyfriend? Just kick his ass Starbuck!
88 out of 100. So far so good.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Why I am up Watching the Australian Open
Work needs to get done. Insomnia. Doppelganger freaking me out. The wife is snoring. The kids and visiting dog are crying. A shooting pain down the back makes it impossible to sleep. Why is one up at 3 in the morning? Those are my usual reasons. Normally, this is harbinger of bad luck - being up this early. Except for a brief period of time in January and February when, even at the most ridiculous hours, live sports may be found.
I admit that I like tennis. I really don't get a chance (or should I say that I am not permitted) to watch sports live or on TV very often, so I usually keep it to the big three - Baseball, Football and Basketball. It's much easier to pretend that a game in one of those sports is important. Either for standings or for betting.
It's tougher to justify with tennis. No one in their right mind bets on professional tennis (golf I can somewhat understand, but professional tennis? Please seek help if you bet on tennis, I'm sure Nikolay Davydenko did.) And I am usually called onto the carpet if I pretend that a match is important. But the important tennis tournaments offer a unique opportunity. The French Open and Wimbledon are usually played early in the morning on the East Coast. The U.S. Open plays late matches under the Flushing lights. And in January, when I can't sleep? It's just me and the Hitachi watching tennis from Down Under. I'm not sure how many hours ahead Australia is, all I know is that when it is dark here, it's light there. I also think that if some someone is coming home from the bars down there and drunk dials, they will be calling right after the dialing respondent gets back from lunch. Nevertheless, this is a perfect way to kill some time.
3am. Home. I'm not sure why they are playing the first match. Roger Federer vs. some guy named "Hanescu" in the Second Round. I don't bother trying to find out anything about this guy, including his first name. I wonder to myself how many games Federer is going to give up here. 6? 7? He might be distracted trying to cover up his own tracks as his (former) Gillette buddy is spending time in "rehab" in Mississippi. You know they went out to the clubs when Tiger was in Europe. Maybe 10 games? 12? Perhaps we should ask Prince William what he thinks since it appears that he is sitting in one of the front rows. How do I know? They KEEP showing him! It's happening so often after points that I'm beginning to think he's one of the player's boyfriends.
In the end, Federer won 6-2, 6-3, 6-2. Shortly after the match, while being interviewed, former American tennis great Jim Courier points in the direction of Prince William and favorably (I guess) compares Federer with Prince William as both cover their faces in horror and embarrassment (those asshole Americans, they both must be thinking).
5am. Home. We are then treated to 5 minutes of Taylor Dent getting his American butt whipped in straight sets. Well done! But wait. Things are happening fast and furious now as ESPN immediately cuts to Spaniard Fernando Verdasco also winning in straight sets. Two hours of tennis, three blowouts.
5:15am. Home. Bummer. Live tennis has taken a back seat so ESPN can replay Venus Williams against an opponent named Bammer. I'm not kidding about the name. I go onto the Internet to see that Williams destroyed Bammer in straight sets also. Yawn. Then another replay, this time of Lleyton Hewitt against an American named Donald Young. No need to tell you what happened there, either. Checking the scores, I see that live tennis is being played, yet they are showing replays of yesterday's matches. No one is watching anyway ESPN just put the live sports on! Please?
6:00am Home. No dice on live tennis. I see that the next match after Venus Williams plays features her sister Serena Williams. Since ESPN just groups their stories as "Williams Sisters Do This" and "Williams Sisters Do That..." I already know what happened in with Serena Williams. Maybe I'm just not motivated to discover, when I'm watching sports from overseas late at night, that they are simply replaying the previous days' matches. I could be watching golf or life coaching infomercials right now.
6:30am. Home. Visions of tennis balls and hardcourts start dancing through my head. I guess it's time to head back to bed. That's okay, the Federer match will probably be on again when I wake up.
I admit that I like tennis. I really don't get a chance (or should I say that I am not permitted) to watch sports live or on TV very often, so I usually keep it to the big three - Baseball, Football and Basketball. It's much easier to pretend that a game in one of those sports is important. Either for standings or for betting.
It's tougher to justify with tennis. No one in their right mind bets on professional tennis (golf I can somewhat understand, but professional tennis? Please seek help if you bet on tennis, I'm sure Nikolay Davydenko did.) And I am usually called onto the carpet if I pretend that a match is important. But the important tennis tournaments offer a unique opportunity. The French Open and Wimbledon are usually played early in the morning on the East Coast. The U.S. Open plays late matches under the Flushing lights. And in January, when I can't sleep? It's just me and the Hitachi watching tennis from Down Under. I'm not sure how many hours ahead Australia is, all I know is that when it is dark here, it's light there. I also think that if some someone is coming home from the bars down there and drunk dials, they will be calling right after the dialing respondent gets back from lunch. Nevertheless, this is a perfect way to kill some time.
3am. Home. I'm not sure why they are playing the first match. Roger Federer vs. some guy named "Hanescu" in the Second Round. I don't bother trying to find out anything about this guy, including his first name. I wonder to myself how many games Federer is going to give up here. 6? 7? He might be distracted trying to cover up his own tracks as his (former) Gillette buddy is spending time in "rehab" in Mississippi. You know they went out to the clubs when Tiger was in Europe. Maybe 10 games? 12? Perhaps we should ask Prince William what he thinks since it appears that he is sitting in one of the front rows. How do I know? They KEEP showing him! It's happening so often after points that I'm beginning to think he's one of the player's boyfriends.
In the end, Federer won 6-2, 6-3, 6-2. Shortly after the match, while being interviewed, former American tennis great Jim Courier points in the direction of Prince William and favorably (I guess) compares Federer with Prince William as both cover their faces in horror and embarrassment (those asshole Americans, they both must be thinking).
5am. Home. We are then treated to 5 minutes of Taylor Dent getting his American butt whipped in straight sets. Well done! But wait. Things are happening fast and furious now as ESPN immediately cuts to Spaniard Fernando Verdasco also winning in straight sets. Two hours of tennis, three blowouts.
5:15am. Home. Bummer. Live tennis has taken a back seat so ESPN can replay Venus Williams against an opponent named Bammer. I'm not kidding about the name. I go onto the Internet to see that Williams destroyed Bammer in straight sets also. Yawn. Then another replay, this time of Lleyton Hewitt against an American named Donald Young. No need to tell you what happened there, either. Checking the scores, I see that live tennis is being played, yet they are showing replays of yesterday's matches. No one is watching anyway ESPN just put the live sports on! Please?
6:00am Home. No dice on live tennis. I see that the next match after Venus Williams plays features her sister Serena Williams. Since ESPN just groups their stories as "Williams Sisters Do This" and "Williams Sisters Do That..." I already know what happened in with Serena Williams. Maybe I'm just not motivated to discover, when I'm watching sports from overseas late at night, that they are simply replaying the previous days' matches. I could be watching golf or life coaching infomercials right now.
6:30am. Home. Visions of tennis balls and hardcourts start dancing through my head. I guess it's time to head back to bed. That's okay, the Federer match will probably be on again when I wake up.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
It's a Shame About Peyton and Ray
It wasn't supposed to happen this way, I keep telling myself. The Jets were supposed to be playing the Colts this weekend. The Patriots were supposed to be playing the Chargers in San Diego. I had to take some time to reflect on this lost season. When Cassel and the crew finished 11-5 last year, I was convinced that even with a banged up Tom Brady, the Patriots were going to steamroll through the 2009 regular season at 13-3, wait out a much needed bye week, and then destroy Chargers or the Steelers at home in the conference semi final. Final stop, Miami.
I've never been too good with names
The Bowl door was open, they could never stay away
I know it's probably not my place
It's either or, I'm hoping for a simple way to say.
Instead, after a curious regular season, the listless Patriots fell meekly at home to the Ravens, despite Joe Flacco completing just 4 passes for 34 yards. I mean, come on, he played like Tony Eason and the Ravens still left us in the dust! Now, I could blame a lot of things for this loss - Patriot season ticket holders letting Ravens fans have their seats, the enigma that is Randy Moss, a devastating injury to Wes Welker, curious game calling on both sides of the ball - it's all there.
Even better, the local and national media, pissed off at Spygate and Belichick's secretive nature, piled on. It was the end of an era, they shrieked. Parity in the NFL had finally caught up to the Patriots, they argued. Every local newspaper columnist, radio show host (other than the Brat Pack on the Big Show - Bratwurst that is) and TV reporter was so gleeful about this turn of events that I was getting an uncanny feeling that awkward high fives were occurring in studios and pressrooms across the city. Not here. JMR's household will remain irrationally dedicated to this football regime.
8:30 pm. Home. Thinking back through the numerous times I tried to get them excited about football before, I needed my boys to sit here with me. Maybe they will grow up being diehard Patriots fans, maybe they will hate Dad for forcing this nonsense upon them, maybe something in between. I thought it was a good start though when C told me (without me prompting him) that he couldn't believe the Ravens won last week, that they were so bad. I know I couldn't believe it either. One thing was for sure, whether I have to lie a little bit, or let the facts speak for themselves, my boys will not like the Colts and the Ravens after tonight. Remember, it wasn't supposed to happen this way.
First Quarter. I go with the obvious ones here. I tell them that Ray Lewis once got in a lot of trouble in Atlanta 10 years ago. I continued that he was set free after he bribed every member of the jury and judge to get free, which was really, REALLY bad. I threw that in there so C would stop bribing G to play his Nintendo DS. Maybe I take some liberty with the facts but what's even worse is what Peyton Manning did to those children at the football camp he was conducting for the United Way. It was disgusting what he did to them. I know where Mike Leach got his discipline technique from. The boys were horrified. Although G asked me why everyone was laughing at those poor kids. I told him that it was other members of the Indianapolis Colts thinking it was funny.
Halfway through the First Quarter, I hear "Dad, number 52 is so fat he knocked the other guy out. Will he go to jail?" All right, maybe I should take it easy on the jail stuff.
Second Quarter. Much more of a conciliatory tone this quarter. Discussions included earthquakes, flatulence and birthday parties. The only football-related remark occurred when C sighed "This game is soooo boring." Until, that is, we all perked up after a brutal helmet to helmet hit by Ray Lewis right as the Colts were driving for their second touchdown. The umpire and I both called that penalty.
"That was really restless, Dad. I can see why you don't like him. I don't like him either." It's not that I don't like him, I just think he's a dirty player.
It's a shame about Peyton and Ray.
Hands of stone, under the scrum
their names are still engraved.
Some things need to go away.
It's a shame about Peyton and Ray.
Third Quarter. One boy has gone down in flames. Up to bed he went with a drink and some tucking in. Can the remaining men get through this game? The way this game is going, it's going to be tough. I do like however that C thinks that Peyton Manning is yelling at his teammates (when he's actually calling an audible). I started to explain what he was actually doing, then thought better of it and simply agreed with his assessment. The only other highlights are the Ravens blowing not one, but two, interceptions by Ed Reed during the last drive of the Quarter. Not quite Luke when facing Darth in the final scenes of Return of the Jedi, but I can feel the hatred growing!
Fourth Quarter. We're all getting tired, so before the two of us start fading away, I turn the tables and explain that these guys really aren't that bad, but that it was okay not to like them, so long as they never acted on their feelings. Especially on a wall in my house. With 8 minutes left, and trying to fight sleep, C tells me he wants to go to bed. I help him upstairs, get some water for him and tuck him in too.
I know what you're thinking. It's unhealthy to teach such impressionable children to hate anyone or anything. Well, I'll have them buy some flowers for Mom tomorrow and draw pretty pictures on their day off on Monday. If you can't have a healthy dislike for someone or something, then you can't appreciate loving your family and friends as much. By the way, the dreaded Colts wn the game.
To finally borrow from one of my favorite songs - from the Lemonheads:
If I make it through today
I'll know tomorrow not to leave my feelings on display
I'll put the banners back in place
I've never been too good with names
but I remember faces
It's a shame about Peyton and Ray.
Oh well, we still have next year.
I've never been too good with names
The Bowl door was open, they could never stay away
I know it's probably not my place
It's either or, I'm hoping for a simple way to say.
Instead, after a curious regular season, the listless Patriots fell meekly at home to the Ravens, despite Joe Flacco completing just 4 passes for 34 yards. I mean, come on, he played like Tony Eason and the Ravens still left us in the dust! Now, I could blame a lot of things for this loss - Patriot season ticket holders letting Ravens fans have their seats, the enigma that is Randy Moss, a devastating injury to Wes Welker, curious game calling on both sides of the ball - it's all there.
Even better, the local and national media, pissed off at Spygate and Belichick's secretive nature, piled on. It was the end of an era, they shrieked. Parity in the NFL had finally caught up to the Patriots, they argued. Every local newspaper columnist, radio show host (other than the Brat Pack on the Big Show - Bratwurst that is) and TV reporter was so gleeful about this turn of events that I was getting an uncanny feeling that awkward high fives were occurring in studios and pressrooms across the city. Not here. JMR's household will remain irrationally dedicated to this football regime.
8:30 pm. Home. Thinking back through the numerous times I tried to get them excited about football before, I needed my boys to sit here with me. Maybe they will grow up being diehard Patriots fans, maybe they will hate Dad for forcing this nonsense upon them, maybe something in between. I thought it was a good start though when C told me (without me prompting him) that he couldn't believe the Ravens won last week, that they were so bad. I know I couldn't believe it either. One thing was for sure, whether I have to lie a little bit, or let the facts speak for themselves, my boys will not like the Colts and the Ravens after tonight. Remember, it wasn't supposed to happen this way.
First Quarter. I go with the obvious ones here. I tell them that Ray Lewis once got in a lot of trouble in Atlanta 10 years ago. I continued that he was set free after he bribed every member of the jury and judge to get free, which was really, REALLY bad. I threw that in there so C would stop bribing G to play his Nintendo DS. Maybe I take some liberty with the facts but what's even worse is what Peyton Manning did to those children at the football camp he was conducting for the United Way. It was disgusting what he did to them. I know where Mike Leach got his discipline technique from. The boys were horrified. Although G asked me why everyone was laughing at those poor kids. I told him that it was other members of the Indianapolis Colts thinking it was funny.
Halfway through the First Quarter, I hear "Dad, number 52 is so fat he knocked the other guy out. Will he go to jail?" All right, maybe I should take it easy on the jail stuff.
Second Quarter. Much more of a conciliatory tone this quarter. Discussions included earthquakes, flatulence and birthday parties. The only football-related remark occurred when C sighed "This game is soooo boring." Until, that is, we all perked up after a brutal helmet to helmet hit by Ray Lewis right as the Colts were driving for their second touchdown. The umpire and I both called that penalty.
"That was really restless, Dad. I can see why you don't like him. I don't like him either." It's not that I don't like him, I just think he's a dirty player.
It's a shame about Peyton and Ray.
Hands of stone, under the scrum
their names are still engraved.
Some things need to go away.
It's a shame about Peyton and Ray.
Third Quarter. One boy has gone down in flames. Up to bed he went with a drink and some tucking in. Can the remaining men get through this game? The way this game is going, it's going to be tough. I do like however that C thinks that Peyton Manning is yelling at his teammates (when he's actually calling an audible). I started to explain what he was actually doing, then thought better of it and simply agreed with his assessment. The only other highlights are the Ravens blowing not one, but two, interceptions by Ed Reed during the last drive of the Quarter. Not quite Luke when facing Darth in the final scenes of Return of the Jedi, but I can feel the hatred growing!
Fourth Quarter. We're all getting tired, so before the two of us start fading away, I turn the tables and explain that these guys really aren't that bad, but that it was okay not to like them, so long as they never acted on their feelings. Especially on a wall in my house. With 8 minutes left, and trying to fight sleep, C tells me he wants to go to bed. I help him upstairs, get some water for him and tuck him in too.
I know what you're thinking. It's unhealthy to teach such impressionable children to hate anyone or anything. Well, I'll have them buy some flowers for Mom tomorrow and draw pretty pictures on their day off on Monday. If you can't have a healthy dislike for someone or something, then you can't appreciate loving your family and friends as much. By the way, the dreaded Colts wn the game.
To finally borrow from one of my favorite songs - from the Lemonheads:
If I make it through today
I'll know tomorrow not to leave my feelings on display
I'll put the banners back in place
I've never been too good with names
but I remember faces
It's a shame about Peyton and Ray.
Oh well, we still have next year.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
JMR's List of 5 Ridiculous Professional Athlete Arrests
I'm reading the police blotter and the Washington Post on a daily basis these days. The reason: my list of the most ridiculous arrests of professional athletes may finally have to be expanded beyond 5. In a ridiculous showing of machismo, Gilbert Arena's gun charges - resulting from a gambling debt to a teammate gone awry - may unfortunately end in a plea deal that will not include jail time, according to the Washington Post, but there is always a chance that those negotiations may break down and serious charges brought against the Wizards star.
This all begs the question: what are JMann Review's list of the 5 most ridiculous athlete arrests?
5. Randy Moss (2002). Apparently late for practice, the mercurial Moss was trying to take an illegal turn on a Minneapolis side street one late afternoon. When the "traffic control agent" (read: meter maid) attempted to stop him, Moss merely continued down the street at a slow rate of speed until the officer fell to the street. Moss was charged with assault with a dangerous weapon. When everything was all said and done, he was cited for reckless driving. Way to stick up for the law, Minnesota!
4. Olden Polynice (2000). Not once, but twice, the 7 foot center for the Utah Jazz was charged with impersonating a police officer after flashing an honorary police badge he received from the Los Angeles police department. These unlucky motorists presumably rubbed the big fella the wrong way. He contended at the time that he was intending to identify himself as "Olden Polynice - member of the Utah Jazz" rather than "Olden Polynice - Raving Lunatic." Obviously as a response to this peculiar crime spree, the general public was subjected to this.
3. Ed Belfour (2000). An athlete getting arrested for assault, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct is serious business. The interesting aspect of this story, however, is Belfour's reaction as the arrest was taking place. After dismissing out of hand a $100,000 bribe, the loaded hockey goalie then offered the Dallas police officers arresting him a whopping ONE BILLION DOLLARS to forget this all happened. When they refused, he proceeded to kick in the police car windows trying to escape, I can only imagine. While outlandish at the time, I quickly think about this scenario playing itself out if Tiger Woods or Alex Rodriguez were ever arrested today.
2. Plaxico Burress (2008). While going clubbing in his sweatpants, the 32 year old Burress, with friend Antonio Pierce in tow, accidently shot himself in the thigh when the gun slipped down the side of his pants and narrowly missed a security guard working the front door. Strangely, despite almost being shot, both Pierce and the security guard attempted to assist Burress to cover up the self inflicted wound by helping Burress to a waiting automobile and delivering the firearm back to Burress. If I were either one of them, I probably would have run once I saw what went down, but I guess that's why I'm not a professional athlete. In any event, the Super Bowl hero agreed to plea his charges down to illegal possession of a firearm and is currently serving a two year sentence in State Prison.
1. Delonte West (2009). The piece de resistance of all ridiculously arrested athletes, and in what can only be described as a what the f**k moment, the former Celtics' guard was arrested in Maryland during the offseason after cutting off a canine officer in his three wheel motorcycle - West's three wheel motorcycle. Apparantly, West was having some issues as he was discovered with not one, not two, but three concealed weapons - most notably, a shot gun inside a guitar case strapped to his shoulder. According to his Father, West was "looking behind his back and protecting himself." Quite honestly, if you were concerned about your safety on a highway, wouldn't you drive around in an armored hummer or other SUV, instead of this?
The list, I suppose could go on and on. Some amusing, some quite serious. Whether it be Gilbert Arenas or other athletes performing badly, I can't help but think of Charles Barkley ad campaign with Nike 15 years ago.
"I am not a role model. I am not paid to be a role model. I am paid to wreak havoc on the basketball court. Parents should be role models. Just because I dunk a basketball, it doesn't mean I should raise your kids."
Well said, Charles.
This all begs the question: what are JMann Review's list of the 5 most ridiculous athlete arrests?
5. Randy Moss (2002). Apparently late for practice, the mercurial Moss was trying to take an illegal turn on a Minneapolis side street one late afternoon. When the "traffic control agent" (read: meter maid) attempted to stop him, Moss merely continued down the street at a slow rate of speed until the officer fell to the street. Moss was charged with assault with a dangerous weapon. When everything was all said and done, he was cited for reckless driving. Way to stick up for the law, Minnesota!
4. Olden Polynice (2000). Not once, but twice, the 7 foot center for the Utah Jazz was charged with impersonating a police officer after flashing an honorary police badge he received from the Los Angeles police department. These unlucky motorists presumably rubbed the big fella the wrong way. He contended at the time that he was intending to identify himself as "Olden Polynice - member of the Utah Jazz" rather than "Olden Polynice - Raving Lunatic." Obviously as a response to this peculiar crime spree, the general public was subjected to this.
3. Ed Belfour (2000). An athlete getting arrested for assault, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct is serious business. The interesting aspect of this story, however, is Belfour's reaction as the arrest was taking place. After dismissing out of hand a $100,000 bribe, the loaded hockey goalie then offered the Dallas police officers arresting him a whopping ONE BILLION DOLLARS to forget this all happened. When they refused, he proceeded to kick in the police car windows trying to escape, I can only imagine. While outlandish at the time, I quickly think about this scenario playing itself out if Tiger Woods or Alex Rodriguez were ever arrested today.
2. Plaxico Burress (2008). While going clubbing in his sweatpants, the 32 year old Burress, with friend Antonio Pierce in tow, accidently shot himself in the thigh when the gun slipped down the side of his pants and narrowly missed a security guard working the front door. Strangely, despite almost being shot, both Pierce and the security guard attempted to assist Burress to cover up the self inflicted wound by helping Burress to a waiting automobile and delivering the firearm back to Burress. If I were either one of them, I probably would have run once I saw what went down, but I guess that's why I'm not a professional athlete. In any event, the Super Bowl hero agreed to plea his charges down to illegal possession of a firearm and is currently serving a two year sentence in State Prison.
1. Delonte West (2009). The piece de resistance of all ridiculously arrested athletes, and in what can only be described as a what the f**k moment, the former Celtics' guard was arrested in Maryland during the offseason after cutting off a canine officer in his three wheel motorcycle - West's three wheel motorcycle. Apparantly, West was having some issues as he was discovered with not one, not two, but three concealed weapons - most notably, a shot gun inside a guitar case strapped to his shoulder. According to his Father, West was "looking behind his back and protecting himself." Quite honestly, if you were concerned about your safety on a highway, wouldn't you drive around in an armored hummer or other SUV, instead of this?
The list, I suppose could go on and on. Some amusing, some quite serious. Whether it be Gilbert Arenas or other athletes performing badly, I can't help but think of Charles Barkley ad campaign with Nike 15 years ago.
"I am not a role model. I am not paid to be a role model. I am paid to wreak havoc on the basketball court. Parents should be role models. Just because I dunk a basketball, it doesn't mean I should raise your kids."
Well said, Charles.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Who Can Beat JMann Review? NFL Playoffs Game Blog
The season of my discontent has begun. So many teams have laid down these last three weeks, that I don't know who can beat whom anymore. Are the Bengals, Cardinals, Eagles and Patriots the dogs that they looked like last week? Are the Cowboys and Jets any good despite shaky Quarterbacks and even shakier coaching? As an added "bonus" three of the games are week 17 rematches.
The award-winning handicapping team of C, G and S try to sift through all of the rhetoric and propaganda to pick winners in the four wild card games. Home teams are on the bottom and in case that doesn't work, they are in ALLCAPS too.
Jets
BENGALS (-3)
C: Bengals. "This person in my class wears a Bengals hat and says that the Bengals are really good." He must have spoken to him before last Sunday.
G: Jets. "A jet is like a plane and they will zoom for a touchdown." This will turn out to be a theme of G's picks.
S: Jets. "Because...because we flew in a jet." I had to prompt that out of her otherwise it would have been "Because" "Because why?" "Because" etc. I'm just happy that she's helping.
JMR: Jets. @OGOchoCinco is hurt, the Bengals looked downright outmatched against the Jets even though they played their starters and shaky quarterbacks aren't important when its cold, windy and you have the best rushing offense in the NFL. I think the Bengals overachieved this year, and that will lead to a one and out. Jets 24-7.
Eagles
COWBOYS (-4)
C: Cowboys. "Because they throw ropes at people, whip them around and have them fall like dominoes."
G: Eagles. "They are a bird and they can zoom for a touchdown!" "The Cardinals will so crush them." C exclaims. I begin to start talking about the physilogical differences between eagles and cardinals as a counterpoint, but think better of it.
S: No pick, too busy packing.
JMR: Eagles. Yes, the Cowboys defense has been playing very well recently, including a thrashing of the Eagles in Week 17. I just can't get over the fact that the Cowboys aren't going anywhere with Wade Phillips or Tony Romo. Couple that with an Eagles team that had won 6 in a row before Week 17. I think you will have 21-16 Eagles victory.
Ravens
PATRIOTS (-3.5)
C: Ravens. "Because G is going to pick the Patriots." Not a good reason, so don't count on this pick.
G: Patriots. "Because they are the bestest team in world!" I like them too big man.
S: Ravens. "They are pretty birdies." I had to tell her that a Raven is a bird, although I did not tell her the derivation of the team's name. Edgar Allen Poe and all.
JMR: Patriots. I don't think the Patriots have it this year. They can't beat anyone on the road. Wes Welker was a huge loss. They have a tendency to dissappear against good teams and their inexperienced secondary is vulnerable to a good passing attack. Luckily, this is all irrelevant for this game. Patriots 27 Ravens 14.
Green Bay
CARDINALS (+1.5)
C: Cardinals.
G: Packers. "Pack means to go on vacation in a plane or a car and they can use that plane or car to zoom for a touchdown." He's just so happy to help me.
S: Cardinals. "Because they are funny." Everyone is funny to her this morning, but I'll go with it.
JMR: Packers. I never like taking the road favorite, but the Cardinals had their run last year. They have too many injuries this year leading into the playoffs - Anquan Boldin and two defensive starters. The Packers on the other hand finished the second half of the year 7-1, including wins over three teams playng this weekend.
Now time for munchkins, chocolate milk and coffee. Here we go.
The award-winning handicapping team of C, G and S try to sift through all of the rhetoric and propaganda to pick winners in the four wild card games. Home teams are on the bottom and in case that doesn't work, they are in ALLCAPS too.
Jets
BENGALS (-3)
C: Bengals. "This person in my class wears a Bengals hat and says that the Bengals are really good." He must have spoken to him before last Sunday.
G: Jets. "A jet is like a plane and they will zoom for a touchdown." This will turn out to be a theme of G's picks.
S: Jets. "Because...because we flew in a jet." I had to prompt that out of her otherwise it would have been "Because" "Because why?" "Because" etc. I'm just happy that she's helping.
JMR: Jets. @OGOchoCinco is hurt, the Bengals looked downright outmatched against the Jets even though they played their starters and shaky quarterbacks aren't important when its cold, windy and you have the best rushing offense in the NFL. I think the Bengals overachieved this year, and that will lead to a one and out. Jets 24-7.
Eagles
COWBOYS (-4)
C: Cowboys. "Because they throw ropes at people, whip them around and have them fall like dominoes."
G: Eagles. "They are a bird and they can zoom for a touchdown!" "The Cardinals will so crush them." C exclaims. I begin to start talking about the physilogical differences between eagles and cardinals as a counterpoint, but think better of it.
S: No pick, too busy packing.
JMR: Eagles. Yes, the Cowboys defense has been playing very well recently, including a thrashing of the Eagles in Week 17. I just can't get over the fact that the Cowboys aren't going anywhere with Wade Phillips or Tony Romo. Couple that with an Eagles team that had won 6 in a row before Week 17. I think you will have 21-16 Eagles victory.
Ravens
PATRIOTS (-3.5)
C: Ravens. "Because G is going to pick the Patriots." Not a good reason, so don't count on this pick.
G: Patriots. "Because they are the bestest team in world!" I like them too big man.
S: Ravens. "They are pretty birdies." I had to tell her that a Raven is a bird, although I did not tell her the derivation of the team's name. Edgar Allen Poe and all.
JMR: Patriots. I don't think the Patriots have it this year. They can't beat anyone on the road. Wes Welker was a huge loss. They have a tendency to dissappear against good teams and their inexperienced secondary is vulnerable to a good passing attack. Luckily, this is all irrelevant for this game. Patriots 27 Ravens 14.
Green Bay
CARDINALS (+1.5)
C: Cardinals.
G: Packers. "Pack means to go on vacation in a plane or a car and they can use that plane or car to zoom for a touchdown." He's just so happy to help me.
S: Cardinals. "Because they are funny." Everyone is funny to her this morning, but I'll go with it.
JMR: Packers. I never like taking the road favorite, but the Cardinals had their run last year. They have too many injuries this year leading into the playoffs - Anquan Boldin and two defensive starters. The Packers on the other hand finished the second half of the year 7-1, including wins over three teams playng this weekend.
Now time for munchkins, chocolate milk and coffee. Here we go.
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