Monday, January 17, 2011

The Boston Blazers' Halftime Show Was Not the Attraction

The Boston Blazers is the best value in sports entertainment.  There I said it.  Parking and tickets just to get into Fenway Park or Gillette are prohibitively expensive.  Celtics and Bruins parking and seats are also too expensive for a family looking for some affordability.  Soccer?  Come on!  I'm an American, so I couldn't care less about soccer.  The Blazers combine many appealing features of all of these sports.  Sanctioned fighting, up and down play making, shot clocks, gratuitous displays of skin from cheerleaders and obnoxious WWE-type music are all important facets of the game experience.  Some might say stripper poles and halftime lap dancing should not be a part of the game experience, however.

Champagne room is in the back!
 We went to the Boston Blazers last year and thoroughly enjoyed all of the hitting, checking and fighting.  I answered all of the "When can we go back?" questions like an expert. 

"Sorry guys, that was the last game of the season."  I deadpanned, knowing full well that the season was only half over.  "We'll have to wait until next year."  Well guess what?  Now is next year and when the boys saw a commercial for the Boston Blazers opening night clash with the Edmonton Rush, I was reminded of my promise 11 months ago.  And as promised, we dispatched ourselves to Boston on Saturday Night to see Dangerous Dan and Oh! Cosmo. 

Boston, MA 7:30pm.  After dodging some of Boston's famous drunkards (the Bruins had just finished losing to the Pittsburgh Penguins earlier that afternoon) we made our way into the Garden.  Not a lot had changed since our game last year.  Dan Dawson and Oh Cosmo were still prominent players, joined this year by National Lacrosse Team member, Casey Powell.  It seemed that the Blazers were poised to win it all this year, but really, what do I know?  Music that only a WWE wrestler could enjoy - and don't think for a second that Triple H wasn't there signing autographs all game - dominated the pregame.  Members of the Blazers dance crew, the Sparks, were everywhere.  And cheesy signs and advertisements for kung fu studios and Lacrosse leagues gave the game a down-home feel.  This time, after hearing about the fun we had last year, we were joined by the girls and hoped for the best.  To add to the excitement, one of the Blazers' hawkers promised us that there was a great halftime show ready for us.  I found it strange that he told us, rather than telling the kids, though.

The game started with the Blazers and the Rush trading goals a couple of minutes in.  I was personally dodging some cocked teenagers vomiting next to me.  Hey you in the San Jose Sharks hat - yeah you - do your Parents know where you are??  Sorry, back to the game.  Those goals proved to be the only goals in the First Quarter as the teams were tied 1-1 going into the Second Quarter.  The excitement began in earnest however a couple minutes into the Second Quarter as Jon Durno, one of the team's enforcers, took exception to a jab to the ribs from Rush Forward Dane Stevens.  Durno took a couple of shots at Stevens who clearly was a lover and not a fighter adn wanted nothing to do with the Durnimal.  The Assistant Referee had to come break up the fight as Durno was about to pummel Stevens so badly that it left my sons wondering why the other guy didn't want to fight.  Going into halftime, the Blazers and the Rush were tied at 3-3.

It's almost go time!
Then the infamous halftime show that will only live on is grainy You Tube videos.  All I can add is that a Blazers' employee told us that we shouldn't miss the halftime show.  Blazers' officials can deny it all they want, but that employee was not talking about the lame dice throwing game, or the youth kung fu drills.  Oh wait, as I am writing this, I have to turn off the Cialis commercial while the boys and I are watching the basketball game.

As the Third Quarter started, and as we were desperately looking for ice cream on this 25 degree night, I can hear the horn sounding over and over again.  Come on guys let's go, I say to myself as G changes his mind from a drink to ice cream back to drink - no wait, back to ice cream.  Christ!  When we finally get back to our seats, the 3-3 game is now 8-5 Blazers.  What's even better is that I spot the offending teenagers hop into the section next to us, presumably to wreak havoc on other unsuspecting spectators.

Everyone is starting to get tired as the teams trade goals in the Fourth Quarter to make it 10-7 Blazers and that's how the game ended.  Almost immediately after walking out of the Garden, I start fielding the same familiar questions.  "Can we go next week, Dad?"  "That was the last game of the season, guys.  We'll have to wait until next year."  Don't tell anyone the promise that I made.

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