The Savior of the Boston Red Sox Pitching Staff, No Really

Finally, 2010 baseball begins in earnest.  News reports from Spring Training in February usually includes players doing a lot of stretching, a lot of walking around or a combination of both at the same time.  Not much happens, let's face it.  But once March hits, the games finally begin.  These games are not exactly competitive, I admit, what with players out of the game doing drills in the outfield, during play and non-athletes trying their hand at the national pastime.  In fact, I'm curious if Maria Menounos will be trying her luck on the pitcher's mound considering her successful stint as the Celtics' play-by-play person last weekend. 

A multitude of stories really begin to take shape once the games start as well.  What's going to happen to Mike Lowell?  Is Daisuke ready to return to his form of...2008 (I don't know if he has ever had a form to return to, he's always been shaky)?  Is David Ortiz finally going to admit that he's 42 years old?  When I saw a promo on NESN for the Red Sox doubleheader against the national college powerhouses Northeastern and Boston College, the most important question to my seven year old also surfaced.  "Why is that guy named, Boof?"  Good question.  I have to admit that I didn't know that much about Boof Bonser either except that the Red Sox traded a minor leaguer to the Twins for Bonser during the offseason.  Not quite the splash that John Lackey and Adrian Beltre had, but still Boof Bonser could turn out to be the most important acquisition of the Red Sox offseason.

With that said, we went to discover more about this enigmatic hurler.  Below are the four most important facts about the Red Sox new middle man, from the hand of my seven year old.

1.  "On November 14, 2003 he was traded to the Minnesota twins."

In what could have turned out to be the most lopsided trade in the history of Major League Baseball, the Twins traded pain-in-the-ass catcher A.J. Pierzynski to the San Francisco Giants for Joe Nathan, Francisco Liriano and Bonser.  As with Bonser, Liriano had a stellar rookie season in 2006 but got injured and has not lived up to the lofty expectations since.  Joe Nathan in 6 years holds the Twins record of career saves with 246 and has appeared in 4 All Star Games.  The moral to the story is that it is always risky to trade for young pitchers (no matter how good the Red Sox tell you they are).

2.  "Bonser gothis first win on May 27, 2006"

"got his."  Bear in mind that he was writing this biography as extra credit so he could stay up later.  I think he was getting tired at thispoint.  After an outstanding debut game against the Milwaukee Brewers, where he took the loss despite striking out 8 and giving up 1 run over 6 innings, Bonser secured his first win against the Seattle Mariners in his next start, despite giving up 8 hits and 4 runs in 5 innings and needing a triple play to get out of bases loaded jam.

3.  "On Febuary 25, 2009, he had surgery and couldn't throw balls."

2009 was a tough year for Bonser. After experiencing arm trouble in 2007 and 2008, particularly at the end of 2008 when he was assigned to the Twins' bullpen, Bonser finally underwent surgery to repair damage to his Labrum and Rotator Cuff.  The surgery kept him out of the rotation for all of 2009.  Based on his performance in 2008, the time off and subsequent change of scenery can only help his career.

4.  "and he was tradded to the Boston Red sox"

That's right.  On February 25, 2009, Bonser was traded to the Red Sox for a player to be named later (Chris Province, I have no idea, either).  Bonser enters this Spring fighting with the other Ramon Ramirez, former cast off Brian Shouse and a couple of ball boys for the last spot on the Red Sox pitching staff.  If he makes the roster, he could become an integral part of the Red Sox title hopes.  With injuries constantly striking Beckett and Wakefield and inconsistency plaguing Daisuke Matsuzaka, a reliable seventh starter could become an important piece to the Red Sox success, believe it or not.  Also working in his favor is that even when he is ptching well, Daisuke usually only lasts until the fifth inning.  I don't know about you, but I can't watch Manny Delcarmen pitch against the Yankees in the 6th inning of a 5-4 game; I just can't.  The middle innings can't be relegated to mop up duty anyway, since the Red Sox offense figures to be a little weaker this year.  

*  *  *  *  *

Bonser makes his Red Sox debut tomorrow against Boston College.  He figures on pitching for a couple of innings or 40-50 pitches, whichever comes first.  Undoubtedly, this game will go a long way in determining Bonser's career path with the Red Sox, since he is out of options and can't be sent to the minors without passing through waivers.  Here's hoping he makes it, just so we have something to snicker at during a long season of pitching and defense.  That reminds me, John Paul Bonser, paying homage to his Mother who gave him the original nickname as a child, legally changed his name to "Boof" in 2001.  I'm afraid to ask what would cause a Mother to nickname his son "Boof."  All I know is that my kids won't be given any nickname that will get his butt kicked in school.   

The Worst Team in NBA History

You already know how this turned out. 

5-52.  The New Jersey Nets are the worst team in the NBA this year, no doubt about it.  But are they the worst team in NBA history?  The 1972-73 Philadelphia 76ers, just a couple of years removed from winning the NBA Championship and trading Wilt Chamberlain, finished that year 9-73 - severely outclassing the tanking teams of the lottery era we see today.  Nine wins is an astounding amount NOT to win.   

But the New Jersey Nets are undaunted by this feat.  "Led" by a guy named Brook and a point guard who was outclassed in a famous you tube video last year, the Nets began the year with 18 losses and didn't win their first game until January 27, 2010, a full three months into the season.  Brook Lopez is leading the team averaging a 19-9 this year, but he really has been the lone bright spot.  What's worse, no matter how many losses they rack up, they will still only have a 35% chance of landing John Wall this summer.

A much needed remedy for the Boston Celtics you say?  With Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett nursing injuries, the Celtics could use an easy win after blowing a double digit lead a couple of nights before against the Cleveland LeBrons.  Pierce would be sitting and we're told that most of the locker room is fighing the flu.  That's okay though because this is quite possibly the WORST team in the history of the NBA.  Somewhere M.L. Carr is jealous.

1pm.  Boston, MA.  My 5 year old is really excited...to wait in line for popcorn and Sprite.  He willingly goes to games with me because I become "The Most Generous Dad in the World" when the kids are with me at games.  College or pro, exhibition or regular season, it doesn't matter, the food and drink take about 5 minutes to start flowing.  Luckily, he only started with popcorn and a hot dog, because this game would make both of our stomachs upset by the end.

It started well.  12-2 in the first 2 minutes.  I tried to ignore Kendrick Perkins and Ray Allen looking completely disinterested in warmups and the beginning of the game, because the Celtics had the early lead.  My son didn't notice yet because he was still knee deep in his bucket of popcorn.  "Are the Celtics winning, Dad?" he asks me as he finally looks up.   Not for long, I think.  A friend tells me that he has the Celtics -3 in the First Quarter.  I didn't even know you could bet on quarters.  "I think you might be in trouble."  I write back to him as the lead dwindles throughout the First Quarter.  In fact, that lead disappears into a 29-27 deficit.

You know how this turned out.  There were a couple of moments where the Celtics made the game close, particularly in the Fourth Quarter.  Even the crowd valiantly tried to make some noise, but really to no avail, as the Nets won their sixth game of the year, 104-96. 

This could dissolve into a "What's worng with the Celtics?" story, but my original question has nothing to do with the Celtics.  The original question is whether the New Jersey Nets are the worst team ever?  My eyes don't lie, the Nets looked hungrier than the Celtics, and they played with passion and determination.  They certainly weren't playing like the worst team in the NBA.  The fact remains though that the Nets have a couple of decent young players, but other than that, the team is devoid of value.  A lack of bench scoring, spotty outside shooting and weak reboundng usually don't lead to wins much less success in the playoffs.  I've witnessed some poor Celtics teams over the last 15 years in the aforementioned race to win the lottery.  Tim Duncan and Kevin Durant aren't walking through that door.  Sorry, this isn't dissolving into that conversation.  I never saw the 76ers play in that fateful season.  I've now seen the Nets play.  Are the New Jersey Nets the worst team ever?  No, they aren't the worst team in the history of the NBA. 

If you don't believe me, as we're walking out, my son asks me to buy a hat from some guy selling them in the snow outside the Garden.  He poured over the choices of hats - mostly Celtics hats, but some other sports and other teams too.  He ended up choosing a gold Bruins hat.  I think that tells you everyting you need to know about the Nets and the Celtics in 2009-10.  Sorry, I keep going back to that problem.

You already know how this turned out.  6-52.

USA Hockey and The Resonators Looking for Another Miracle

United States 5 Finland 2.

I'm writing this at 2:45pm on Friday, February 26th, 2010.  15 minutes before Team USA plays for the chance to go for the Gold Medal in Men's Ice Hockey against Canada...Yes, I will probably change the score above if I am WAY off base, but if it's close, I'll keep it like that.  If it can beat Finland in the Semi-finals, the U.S. Men's Hockey Team will reach the Gold Medal game, presumably against our hated Northern neighbor, the Canadians.

I've jumped on the bandwagon this time.  Like 2002 and 1980 before it, the 2010 U.S. Hockey team is again capturing the hearts and minds of sports fans.   The U.S. Team this year was too young and inexperienced, they said, and it was given very little chance to succeed in Vancouver, particularly in contrast to the stronger national teams coming out of Canada, Sweden and Russia.  Instead, Team USA has become one of the best stories coming out of the 2010 Winter Olympics for the United States, as many of its top athletes have faltered or failed to live up to expectations.  After a stirring 5-3 victory over the Canadians in group play last week, Team USA has picked up where the bicker sisters Lindsey Vonn and Julia Mancuso and the underachieving Apolo Ohno and Women's figure skating left off.

3pm.  The First Period begins with Mike Emrick and Eddie Olczyk setting the scene.  Finland, Team USA's opponent, has been very stingy on defense and making the most out of the few scoring opportunities it received.  The Americans have also been playing very well through group play.  The "sideline" reporter, obviously very Canadian, described Team USA as looking a little tight in warmups.  I'll remember that when we see you on Sunday buddy.  About five minutes in, Phil Kessel hustles after a loose puck slowly heading toward the Finnish goalie Miikka Kiprosoff.  Bruins fans are cheering for Kessel for the first time in years, happy that he is finally skating with some passion.  Apparantly, Kiprosoff wasn't expecting this hustle by Kessel either as he gingerly passes the puck to a nearby Finnish teammate who skates by it, only to be picked up by Ryan Malone for what amounts to an empty net goal.  Interestingly enough, Kessel stands by the goal trying to tip it in even though it was clearly going to be goal...Oh Phil.

The high fives in the JMR household continue as Team USA scores five more goals in the span of 15 minutes of play.  "The United States is really good in this game," my seven year old exclaims, ostensibly comparing this team to Team USA in one of his EA Sports video game.  I predicted five goals, and they are scored with 7 minutes left in the First Period.

In 1980, similar to the 2010 team, the Americans were too young and inexperienced to win a medal, much less beat a formidable Soviet team (a team that it lost to a month before 10-3 in a blow out in New York City). After achieving a miraculous tie with Team Sweden to even have a chance in the medal round, Team USA headed into the semifinal game against the Soviets as underdogs.  ABC, realizing the importance of this game, tape delayed it so it could be watched by millions later that night.  We all know the details of this game and how important it was to the American Psyche.  The U.S. was in economic doldrums, and the cold war was brewing to a boil with the U.S.S.R.  Looking back on it, we needed to win this game.  After this stirring win, Americans were able to rejoice if even for only a couple of moments.

The Second Period is much less of a one sided affair.  The teams skate to a scoreless period, but at least the Finns don't look like they are playing continuously shorthanded.  After the Second Period, Team USA is still leading 6-0.  The only thing of interest is finally realizing that the game is being played in "real time" with limited commercial interruption.  Thank you, Subway!

While still being classified as an also-ran, the 2002 Olympic Hockey team had old age as an excuse rather than youth and inexperience.  Led by older (and some would say washed up) stars such as Brett Hull, Mike Richter, Chris Chelios and Brian Leetch, Team USA was destined to finish 5th in the tournament, a finish not unlike their 1998 finish.  Could the 1980 Olympic team, who lit the torch to start the Salt Lake City Winter Olympic Games, inspire a new generation of Olympians?  The Gold Medal game between the Canadians and the U.S. was the highest rated hockey game in generations.  Americans, still reeling from 9/11 and the economic turmoil that followed were again buoyed by Team U.S.A.'s strong run toward the medal round and were as much stirred by some run of the mill hockey players.  Unfortunately, we had to settle for the Silver Medal in these games as those hated Canadians took the Gold away from us.  Cheaters.

The Third Period displayed a lot of the same characteristics as the Second Period.  Some chippy play by the Finns, together with some outstanding goaltending by the Americans, confirmed the 6-0 score.  Unfortunately, Team USA's second straight shutout was thwarted by the insertion of Tim Thomas as goalie.  This is not 2008-09 unfortunately.  Relegated the back up status, Thomas showed his rust giving up a goal on just a handful of shots.  Still Team USA won 6-1 to face off against Canada or Slovakia in the Gold Medal game on Sunday afternoon.

Not a coincidence, the 2010 version of Team USA is playing along a backdrop of tough economic times and unfortunate status as a non-factor.  Playing against seemingly stronger rivals, Team USA has shown a lot of grit and determination in going through to the final game without a blemish.  Things have been tough for all of us, and we're again in a position that, forget about wanting our guys to win, we NEED our guys to win.  If we can just forget about our problems for a couple of moments...

I remember a story about Al Michaels agreeing to voice over his play by play of the 1980 U.S.A-U.S.S.R. game for the Kurt Russell Schmaltzfest, Miracle on Ice.  He agreed on one condition, he would never repeat those famous words again "Do you believe in miracles?  YES!"  I agree that it wouldn't be a miracle this time around, but I wouldn'tmind hearing those same words come from Michaels' mouth as 1980 team was running out the clock against Finland in the Gold Medal game.

"five seconds to the gold medal, four seconds, three seconds, an American Dream come true."

Here's hoping I hear Al Michaels on Sunday.

Boys Are More Destructive - The Danica Patrick Story

"OOOhhhh!" my son groaned.  "Girls are racing?  Boys are more destructive!"  Those were the words echoing in my head as we were watching one of the 25 college basketball games this afternoon.  Really, a seven year old chauvinist?  I'm not perfect myself, but I don't want my bad habits to rub off on my kids at that early an age.  In between action on ESPN, pictures of Danica Patrick would be shown.  I explained that she was the only woman to race cars in NASCAR.  "But boys are more destructive.  Will she crash just like them?"  Now the boys are at a fever pitch, even foregoing dessert to watch auto racing in the hopes of watching of all things car crashes.  I suppose I used Danica Patrick as a pretense to get excited about auto racing myself - like I needed a reason to watch cars spinning out of control somewhere else beside out of my driveway on Friday and Saturday afternoons. 

5:30 p.m. My first thought is that it was charming that a country music act, the Statler Brothers, was now sponsoring a race on the Nascar Nationwide Series.  But actually it's the The Stater Bros. 300 that gets started with the (what I assume is) usual invocation praying that no one gets hurt.  Cue the pictures of the wives and girlfriends holding on to their guys for dear life.  I'd be making sure that my insurance policy premiums were paid up myself.  I go on to explain that Danica Patrick used to race in open air Formula One type races.  Since she did so well in Formula One, she is now trying her hand at NASCAR, which is a different type of racing.  "Aren't all cars the same?"  I'm asked.  Well, that is true; you know what, I don't know why the racing is that different. 

Some girl named Kate Voegele follows the invocation by belting out the national anthem.  I've never heard of her, but I assume that she is a trending topic on Twitter right now, just like Justin Bieber.

"I want to see some crashes!" my seven year old states expectantly, like I had the power to make cars spin out of control with just a mere thought.  "I want to see that Go Daddy Girl crash too, I don't like the color of her car."  (By the way, in my boy's defense, Patrick isn't helping by being the face of the Go Daddy Girls.)  You'd expect a catty comment like that to come from my daughter, but no, it was my five year old as he sits himself down next to us.  As I'm about to explain that it is inappropriate to be rooting for car crashes, Kate Walsh of Private Practice screams "Gentlemen, start your engines!"  At least we have a doctor in the house in the event anything happens.  Although isn't she a pediatric surgeon?  Right.  Forget about that. 

The pole position went to some fella named Joey Logano, or as my kids like to call him the "Mario Kart Guy."  His lead sponsor appears to be Game Stop, and his hood is adorned with the cover of Mario Kart.  The boys start going nuts now, cheering wildly for their new athletic hero as he quickly takes the lead when the green flag is waved to begin the race.  Unfortunately, Patrick looks uncomfortable from the outset, dropping to 41st out of 43 entrants.  The other two entrants in 42nd and 43rd didn't bother starting. 

In fact, she starts getting lapped by the leaders around lap 18.  Patrick has a fiery temper, so we were all on the edges of the couch to see if she was going to give any of the leaders a problem as they went by.  "OOOHHHHH!"  She almost takes Kyle Busch out as he tries to pass her.  The announcers defend her by saying that she probably didn't see him trying to pass her over the top - isn't that what your crew chief is there for?  She knew he was there.

During her first pit stop, we are treated to one of the most ironic penalties in all of sports.  As Patrick pulls out of Pit Row, she gets tagged with a speeding ticket.  A SPEEDING TICKET?  The sle reason this sport exists is to see which car speeds faster than the others, and now you get a ticket if you go too fast?  I understand the reasoning behind the penalty, but it's still ridiculous.  At Lap 82, Patrick gets her 2nd ticket.  Now she's pissed; I would be too.  My seven year old doesn't get it.  "I thought only bad guys got speeding tickets."

After watching for an interminable amount of time so we could witness a crash, on Lap 119 we get the first crash due to spilt oil on turns one and two.  Ricky Stenhouse Jr. gets lost in the smoke generated by another driver's exhaust system and flails into the wall.  Meanwhile, we see Patrick creep up to 30th, then fall behind, then creep up, then fall behind.  The announcers keep explaining to us that Patrick is just getting used to the new car and needs to get some laps and repetitions.  If that is the case, then I could do this too.  All anyone needs are laps and repetitions. 

Anyway, thanks to the crash and a couple of other caution flags, the front runners go from caution flag, to the last lap.  The Mario Kart Guy, leading the entire way, goes up to high on Turn 2 and gives up the lead to fall to fourth.  The race is on now.  Kyle Busch takes the lead, and, with a pack of four jockeying for the checkered flag, wins the race!  The Mario Kart Guy, in a last ditch effort to win loses control of his car.  He spins out at the finish line and comes in fifth.  Patrick is right there at the end, except she is 4 laps behind when it happens.  She finishes 31st.

It didn't work out quite the way I wanted.  The borderline chauvinistic but certainly uninformed statement coming from my seven year old's mouth was a little difficult to take.  I was hoping to get them excited about something new and show them that even a five foot one inch woman could win a race of automobiles.  Despite being told that she did well, I agree with her body language, as she stomped out of the raceway.  "I stunk."  But at least the boys are interested in seeing auto racing live now. 

Get me some ear plugs.  Laconia here we come.

Chuck E. Cheese for Adults? Dave & Buster's Review

A 7 year old's nirvana?  5 year old's utopia?  3 year old's paradise?  A parent's worst nightmare?  Opinions, of course, run the gamut when Dave & Buster's is the topic.  Growing up, Chuck E. Cheese was the "go to" kids restaurant; what with its skee ball and rudimentary video games like Pacman and Galaga.  But today's kids are a little jaded.  They obtain their Nintendo DSs, Wiis and IPods at an absurdly young age now, just so they don't fall behind their friends.  Chuck E. Cheese is still fun, but the kids are looking for something more exciting, and frankly the food at Chuck E. Cheese is disgusting.  Dave & Buster's promises something a little more.  The place is larger, the games are louder and the food is edible.  Maybe even the parents can enjoy themselves here too.

12pm.  Providence, RI.  Driving an hour out of the way to go to a restaurant seems a little absurd to me.  But everyone is excited and that's the point after all.  We park our car and make our slow trek up the escalators (remember, kids can be entertained for hours on escalators, especially if they go both up AND down).  Surprisingly, I can't hear the restaurant from 500 feet away like I thought I would.  Then we walk inside.  Oh the games are in the back.  All of the adults are in the front of the restaurnat watching the games at the bar.

GROG.  A lot of choices for beer.  Guinness, Stella and Bass are mixed in with the typical domestic light beers.  Numerous fancy drinks ar on the menu too.  The place gets points simply for having Grog in the first place, like they knew that parents would need to have a drink to survive the Ticket Redemption Room at the end.  8.0 Happies out of 10.0.

KIDS CRAYONS AND OTHER ENTERTAINMENT.  A perfect score!  You have pool, basketball hoops, Rock Band, Dance Dance Revolution, Skeeball and other games of chance all in one place - next to our table.  The first time the helicopter game next to us went off, it literally shook the ground to the point where my daughter grabbed the table and asked "What the?"  The real treat, though (for the kids, not really for the parents) is the ticket redemption room where you can redeem your 400,000 tickets for prizes.  Kids go crazy for this room at any amusement park, but this one seems different.  Numerous video games for the Wii, Play Station and the XBox adorn the walls.  My kids end up getting Pokemon cards and 10 bouncy D&B basketballs.  That's alright, this stuff will all end up in the trash a couple of weeks from now. 

Really, can a place ge more entertaining than this?  I think I even played a couple of games myself sneaking them in while pretending to go to the bathroom.  I know my wife was playing some games too, even hough she would never admit it.  11.0 Happies out of 10.0.  Yes, 11.0.

SPEED.  One of the wheels just fell off.  We sat near the bar in the game room.  Numerous waitstaff walked by us, admittedly with those "Better you than me" looks as I'm wrestling the jacket off my 3 year old daughter who's running toward one of the bouncy balls that she won on the way in from the claw game.  It took 20 minutes to flag someone down to take our drink order; that is just not right.  We just want a couple of beers, 3 Grilled Cheeses and some Edamame. I'll even pay you extra if you don't forget about us again.  One of the good things about the lack of attention is that we didn't feel rushed to leave our table, which was a good thing since my daughter fell asleep on the heap of jackets under our table.  4.5 Happies out of 10.0.

DESSERT.  Who cares?  The kids are all in the Ticket Redemption Room at this point anyway.  I think there was some ice cream or brownies or something.  7.0 Happies out of 10.0.

WHO'S PAYING.  Over a hundred dollars getting 3 power cards.  (Did you know that they make you pay $3 to obtain a power card?  Keep them if you go more than once.)  Over a hundred dollars on food and drinks.  Holy crap!  And all we come back with are 4 stuffed animals, 5 bouncy balls and tired kids?  I'll take it!  But that is a lot of money.  Add in the fact that Providence is an hour away and this is a once a year journey. 5.0 Happies out of 10.0 Happies.

Overall, this is more of a kids' paradise than a parent's worst nightmare.  Kids are growing up fast these days and to be able to make them smile and getting them excited about anything is a big deal, and I think this experience is worth it.  I wish the rating was higher because we all ended up having a good time, but in the end, 35.5 Happies out of 50.0 Happies.  Not perfect but better than bad.