JMR's List of 5 Ridiculous Professional Athlete Arrests

I'm reading the police blotter and the Washington Post on a daily basis these days.  The reason:  my list of the most ridiculous arrests of professional athletes may finally have to be expanded beyond 5.  In a ridiculous showing of machismo, Gilbert Arena's gun charges - resulting from a gambling debt to a teammate gone awry - may unfortunately end in a plea deal that will not include jail time, according to the Washington Post, but there is always a chance that those negotiations may break down and serious charges brought against the Wizards star.

This all begs the question:  what are JMann Review's list of the 5 most ridiculous athlete arrests?

5.  Randy Moss (2002).  Apparently late for practice, the mercurial Moss was trying to take an illegal turn on a Minneapolis side street one late afternoon.  When the "traffic control agent" (read: meter maid) attempted to stop him, Moss merely continued down the street at a slow rate of speed until the officer fell to the street.  Moss was charged with assault with a dangerous weapon.  When everything was all said and done, he was cited for reckless driving.  Way to stick up for the law, Minnesota!  

4.  Olden Polynice (2000).  Not once, but twice, the 7 foot center for the Utah Jazz was charged with impersonating a police officer after flashing an honorary police badge he received from the Los Angeles police department. These unlucky motorists presumably rubbed the big fella the wrong way.  He contended at the time that he was intending to identify himself as "Olden Polynice - member of the Utah Jazz" rather than "Olden Polynice - Raving Lunatic."  Obviously as a response to this peculiar crime spree, the general public was subjected to this.

3.  Ed Belfour (2000).  An athlete getting arrested for assault, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct is serious business.  The interesting aspect of this story, however, is Belfour's reaction as the arrest was taking place.  After dismissing out of hand a $100,000 bribe, the loaded hockey goalie then offered the Dallas police officers arresting him a whopping ONE BILLION DOLLARS to forget this all happened.  When they refused, he proceeded to kick in the police car windows trying to escape, I can only imagine.  While outlandish at the time, I quickly think about this scenario playing itself out if Tiger Woods or Alex Rodriguez were ever arrested today.

2.  Plaxico Burress (2008).  While going clubbing in his sweatpants, the 32 year old Burress, with friend Antonio Pierce in tow, accidently shot himself in the thigh when the gun slipped down the side of his pants and narrowly missed a security guard working the front door.   Strangely, despite almost being shot, both Pierce and the security guard attempted to assist Burress to cover up the self inflicted wound by helping Burress to a waiting automobile and delivering the firearm back to Burress.  If I were either one of them, I probably would have run once I saw what went down, but I guess that's why I'm not a professional athlete.  In any event, the Super Bowl hero agreed to plea his charges down to illegal possession of a firearm and is currently serving a two year sentence in State Prison.

1.  Delonte West (2009).  The piece de resistance of all ridiculously arrested athletes, and in what can only be described as a what the f**k moment, the former Celtics' guard was arrested in Maryland during the offseason after cutting off a canine officer in his three wheel motorcycle - West's three wheel motorcycle.  Apparantly, West was having some issues as he was discovered with not one, not two, but three concealed weapons - most notably, a shot gun inside a guitar case strapped to his shoulder.  According to his Father, West was "looking behind his back and protecting himself."  Quite honestly, if you were concerned about your safety on a highway, wouldn't you drive around in an armored hummer or other SUV, instead of this?

The list, I suppose could go on and on.  Some amusing, some quite serious.  Whether it be Gilbert Arenas or other athletes performing badly, I can't help but think of Charles Barkley ad campaign with Nike 15 years ago.

"I am not a role model.  I am not paid to be a role model.  I am paid to wreak havoc on the basketball court.  Parents should be role models.  Just because I dunk a basketball, it doesn't mean I should raise your kids."

Well said, Charles.

Who Can Beat Jmann Review? NFL Game Blog #4

In NFL Game Blog #3, I had indicated that division games are always difficult matchups even when one team is good and one team is mediocre or worse.  That theory was proven when the heavily favored Cowboys barely eked out a 7-6 victory over the Zornskins at home.  It might also be that Dallas is mediocre itself.  I also picked against that theory by taking the Patriots at home over the lowly Jets even though they were giving 10.5 points.  That game was such a blow out that I left the stadium at halftime.  And I'm sticking to that story.

This week will really test our handicapping ability as several games fall into the handicapping netherworld of pick 'ems and spreads between 4 and 6 points.  These are the toughest games; particularly the games with 5 or 5.5 point spreads.  I mean who wins by that many points?  To assist in our endeavor, I have also recruited my three year daughter (DLG) to help the three of us.  Believe me, I tried to ignore the "Daddy, can I help?" whines, to no avail.

9am.  We are all excited to begin, particularly when I told C and G that they don't have to help me rake the leaves if they help me pick the games.  Home teams are in capital letters.

FALCONS (+5.5)
Eagles

C:  Eagles.  "I like the Eagles because they are faster than Falcons."
G:  Eagles. "Because there are two birds on the team!"  Perhaps he thinks that they are playing together?
DLG:  Falcons.  "Because..."  "Because why?"  I ask her.  "Because why." she answers with a Coach K smirk on her face.  Let's just go with the Falcons; I don't have a chance.
JMR:  I like the Falcons in this game.  Matt Ryan hasn't been Tom Brady this year, so the difference in QBs is negligible.  I think between Mcihael Turner and their other skill players, Chris Redman will be just fine.  If Turner doesn't play either though, forget this pick.

DOLPHINS (+4)
Patriots

C:  Dolphins.  "Because Dolphins, when they come up for air and then go back down into the water, they hit people in the head with their tails."  I like the physiological approach, if not the reasoning for why they would win.
G:  Patriots.  "They are the best team in the whole entire world.  At least you know he didn't stay up late with his uncle to watch the Saints game.
DLG:  Patriots.  "Because..." "Because why?" I ask her. "Because why. Hahahahahah!!!" she answers. "Thank you sweetie for your help.  Can you find Mommy for me?"  I tell her, knowing that Mommy is hiding in the bedroom closet trying to stay away from us.
JMR:  Patriots.  I think the Saints game demonstrated that the Saints are just a well-coached, talented team, and not that the Patriots are falling apart.  Also, Chad Henne does not strike fear into anyone's heart like Drew Brees does.

BENGALS (-13)
Lions

C:  Lions.  "Lions can kill tigers and are more restless [N.B. I'm told restless means aggressive to him].
G:  Bengals.  "Tigers are faster than Lions." He looked at me quizzically when I asked him if he liked the Bengals.  Then I explained a Bengal is a type of Tiger, and the resulting excitement was off the charts.
JMR:  Lions.  I picked the Lions to win this game in my preseason review of the Lions team.  I'm not backing off now.  In fact, I like the Lions winning outright.

BROWNS (+13.5)
Chargers

C:  Browns.  "I like eating brownies.  Do we have any brownies, Dad?"  No you can't have a brownie at 9am in the morning.  Unless you get Dad a diet coke too while you're in there.
G:  Chargers.  "Because Drake and Josh live in San Diego."  He's used that one before, but he's also winning at a 75% clip, so I'll go with the kid on this one. 
JMR:  Chargers.  They are peaking at the right time (for the Patriots and the Colts, that is, well before the playoffs begin).  I see this game finishing with a Chargers 31-6 win.

I also like the BEARS (-9) (has there been a worse 9 point favorite in the history of the NFL?  Oh yeah, the Seahawks last week), Raiders (+14.5), Titans (+7), CHIEFS (+5), Saints (-9.5), PANTHERS (-5.5), Jaguars (Pick 'em), GIANTS (+2.5), 49ers (Pick 'em), Vikings (-3) and PACKERS (-3).  A three team tease with the Saints, Patriots and Giants is a sure winner. 

Last Week 8-6
Season 26-18

"CopaMLS 2009" Just Sounds a Little Strange

"I'm just indifferent right now."

"I hate it, even when our kids are playing it."

"Can we turn the station or are you trying to get me to fall asleep?"

You'd think I was torturing my wife when I turned on the 2009 MLS Cup.  For those of you who are new to the scene, the MLS is the soccer (football) league that David Beckham keeps trying to escape to play for AC Milan, even though he's being paid $25 million dollars a year by the Americans.  Even my promise that the said Beckham was going to be prominently involved only stirred mild disinterest and a yawn.  I guess I was the only one who grew up in the 1970's so desperate for sports (pre-cable) that I would watch English soccer (football) on PBS on Saturday and Sunday mornings.

Well personally, I like soccer.  And the MLS desperately wants to be liked.  With names like DC United, Real Salt Lake, Houston Dynamo, one gets the sense that it tries to emulate Champions League soccer, but comes across as a bastard stepchild instead.  And what the hell is Club Depotivo Chivas USA?  Well, the MLS caught a huge break when Beckham's L.A. Galaxy made the final game, the CopaMLS 2009 against Real Salt Lake.  We decided to watch.  For as long as I could before I had to turn the station.

8:30pm.  Julie Foudy, the soccer analyst who broke down the unfortunate Elizabeth Lambert situation by explaining that soccer was rough and hairpulling was a part of the game, started the telecast by explaining that she'd rather "live on her feet, than die on her knees."  I suppose she's right about that, but it doesn't make me any less scared that she might pull a knife on me if I say a cross word to her.  The other pregame highlight was watching my wife swoon over Beckham.  "They should just have a camera on him all game to keep my interest," "Hi David.  That's what the sign said, not me," "It's probably too cold for Posh Spice, but he shouldn't be left alone with those metallic girls."  I mean she's talking gibberish now she's so feverish.   Luckliy for all of us, the game begins.

14'  Oh my.  Beckham, going for the tackle, runs headlong into Javier Morales' knee.  He starts writhing around in pain.  As is usual with soccer, it took us about 10 minutes for us to finally believe that he's actually, really hurt.

28'  It took 28 minutes for a real scoring chance to emerge as Beckham bended a corner kick to one of his teammates who proceeded to head the ball on to the top of the goal.  Now this reminds me, one thing that drives me crazy about soccer is the complete disregard for possession.  Whenever a goalie has a goal kick or kicks it with possession, he always appears to be more concerned about getting it downfield as far as possible, rather than trying to get the ball to a teammate.  Now I've only coached 6 year old soccer, but I've never seen a real scoring chance from the goalie kicking the ball as far downfield as possible; throw the ball to a teammate 20 feet away!

41'  YEAH!  The first goal by some guy named Mike Magee.  Assists go to Beckham and the league MVP, Landon Donovan.  I'm rooting for LA to do well, just so I can keep this on rather than Desperate Housewives.

47'  After what was called a 50/50 challenge (whatever that means), the Galaxy's goalie and a Real Salt Lake Forward dive into each other and fall to the ground.  I remark (to myself as it turns out) that this guy got kneed in the nether region, but it turns out that he hurt is hand (Are you kidding me? It looked like he got shot!).

63'  The Goalie, still reeling from his devastating hand injury, lets in an easy goal to Ronnie Findley of Real Salt Lake.  We learn that Findley was traded to Real Salt Lake by the Galaxy a couple of years ago and that this is a perfect revenge goal.  On another note, is there a city in the United States that could be less suited for a name like "Real" than Salt Lake City?  Names like "Fundamentalists" or "Teetotalers" would have been more appropriate than "Real."

79'  We see our first shot of Victoria Beckham.  She looks cold and miserable.  Insert your own joke here, you don't need me.

The next 45 minutes of play included a lot of unremarkable and sloppy play.  After regulation and overtime, the score remained 1-1.  Now comes the interesting part - Penalty Kicks. 

After the requisite announcer build up, Beckham scores the first goal quite easily and in fact the first 4 goals were scored pretty easily.  I just wish the goalies came out of the net screaming at the kicker to throw him off his game.  But wait, just as I'm thinking that, the goalies come through as Rimando and Saunders both make thrilling diving saves back to back.  Then Donovan, again the MVP of the league, kicks it over the net.  Beckham meanwhile, we learn later, wanted to go first so he could spend the rest of the time sitting on the bench brushing up on his Italian.

The tension builds as Saunders needs to make a save against Real Salt Lake to continue the season...and Yes, he dives to his left and makes the save!  Ah, but it wasn't meant to be as Real Salt Lake scored on their seventh chance after the Galxy missed their 7th chance.

Pigpile ensues.  After I turned the game off, I felt that everyone left reasonably happy.  I saw a pretty good game, my wife saw her stud and the MLS got its best ratings ever.  Maybe she'll even go to a Revolution game next year.  Or maybe she'll tell me to go to a game on a Friday or Saturday night, since she has to work those days.  Either way, I think we'll end up going.

Who Can Beat Jmann Review? NFL Game Blog #3

10-4.  Week 4 was kind.  In fact, taking my advice about the three team teases would have netted the wise bettor numerous wins.  But that was Week 4.  By now the lines have adjusted to the truly putrid teams, and as a result the games are getting harder to pick.  C and G don't think so, however.  As soon as I pull them away from Icarly and The Troop, our quest for a perfect week (as explained below) will begin.

8:30pm.  Luckily my pickers are eager to help out this week, particularly when I explain that we could win a million dollars if we pick all of the games correctly.  Even more so when I told them that they could each have a thousand dollars if we win.  It was either that or the possibility of staying up later than their bedtime with Dad.  Probably the cash. 

"Does the money come out of the computer?  Where do you pick it up, in Boston or at your work?  Will you give any money to Mommy?"  All right, enough questions!  Don't make me compound my lies, kids.

Redskins
COWBOYS (-11)

C:  Redskins.  No need to go into the reason.
G:  Redskins.  "Because the Cowboys are letting them score 11 points."  I don't think he fully understands point spreads.  Or does he?
JMANN REVIEW:  Redskins.  I never like giving up this many points for a divisional matchup.  The Cowboys looked awful against Green Bay, and frankly they have not blown anyone out all year.  I see the Cowboys winning 17-16.

Jets
PATRIOTS (-10.5)

C:  Jets.  "Because they're starting with 10 points."  Heresy, child!
G:  Patriots.  "Because they are the best team in the whole world."  Now that's more like it.  "Actually, I like the Jets, too." 
C:  "Stop copying me!"  Ugh.  Maybe I've talked about Fourth and Two a little too much this week.  I will just say this - I liked the call.  If the call worked, it may have broken a Colts team right there with a rookie head coach.  Either way, it may be just a prelude to Belichick's decision making in the AFC Championship Game.
JMANN REVIEW:  I like the Patriots.  Of course I am going against my own advice from the Redskins pick.  But honestly, there's no crying in football, Rex, unless you're Michael Irvin.  Add that to the team's record in revenge games, and I see a score like 38-7.  Maybe more.

Eagles
BEARS (+3)

C:  Eagles.  "Because the eagles can fly and automatically get touchdowns."
G:  Bears.  "Because they're called the Bears and they are good at running.  Hey Dad, look at me running!"
JMANN REVIEW:  Bears.  I have no confidence in Jay Cutler, but I have even less confidence in an Eagles team without Brian Westbrook.  Hey Jay!  I'm hanging on by a thread here in my fnatasy football league.  Instead of Maurice Jones-Drew, I wish I could get an apology from you for owning your sorry ass.  Can I get a start from you that does not include errant and/or random throws into double coverage?  Devin Hester is NOT Reggie Wayne, or Randy Moss. 

Falcons
GIANTS (-6.5)

C:  Giants.  "Because giants can stomp on the people trying to stop them and when those people get away and still try to stop them, all they can touch are the giants' shoes and giants won't even feel them."  That's how I felt in the 2008 Super Bowl after "the Helmet Catch," except they usually call it holding or chopblock on the offensive line.
G:  Falcons.  "Because they sound like a cow."  Huh?
JMANN REVIEW:  Falcons.  Sorry Giants fans; they just aren't that good.

Browns
LIONS (-3.5)

C:  Browns.  "I don't know why I like them, so don't ask."
G:  Lions.  "Because they can run really, really, really, really, fast."
C:  "No, the fastest animal is the cheetah.  A lion can only run 10 miles per hour.  Did you know that a cheetah can run 70 miles and hour?  I wish a team was named the "Cheetahs.""  Sounds like a new WNBA franchise nickname, no?  Or what the Irish-Americans in Boston called the French after Thierry Henry's "hand of God" goal.
JMANN REVIEW:  Lions.  They go for their second win of the season against possibly the worst team ever, oh the irony.  I'm not even sure they call him "Mangenious" in the Mangini household.  But I could use someone to glare like that at my children when they forget to take out the garbage.

My other picks include: Miami (no, really), Packers (-6.5), Steelers (-10), Bucs (+11), Colts (-1.5), Vikings (-10.5), Raiders (+9.5), Broncos (+3) and Titans (+4.5).  If I had my druthers, I might look into a three team tease that includes the Patriots, the Steelers and the Vikings.  Now about Icarly and The Troop.  Probably not the best shows for impressionable children to watch, but then again, I showed them the fight in the stands after the guy tries to give his hockey stick to the little kid after the Anaheim Mighty Ducks game.

Week 4:  10-4.
Season:  18-12. 

An Afternoon with the Breeders' Cup

Friday afternoon sporting events are tough.  Work, of course, usually gets in the way; but if I'm fortunate enough to be home from work on a Friday afternoon, some of the smaller folks in my life would prefer that they be in charge of the house.  Snack-eating, friend-entertaining and TV-watching folks, and you know what?  That's okay with me on Fridays.  So with four children wrestling, yelling and talking about school (oh yes, one of them had to have a friend over), I tried to watch the Breeders' Cup 2009 at Santa Anita Park.

3:30pm.  Damn it!  For some reason I thought the races started at 3:30 instead of 2pm.  The Breeders' Cup is in California and since when did anything in California start before noon (Pacific Time)?  No matter, I had Races 3-9 to attempt to make racing history.  My online account (it's free and it's legal) was a little low in funds, so I had to pick and choose my spots, but I was confident in my hadicapping.

Race 3

Jmannreview:  Father Time (3-1)
Favorite:  Mastery (7-5)
Winner:  Man of Iron (6-1)

This race is what they call the "Marathon," even though 14 furlongs is approximately one and three quarters miles.  My horse didn't have much run and faded around the quarter pole.  Luckily, I couldn't pull a trigger on a wager, so nothing lost.

Race 4

Jmannreview:  Lillee Langtrey (3-2)
Favorite:  Lillee Langtrey (3-2)
Child #2:  Lillie Langtrey (3-2)
Winner:  Tapitsfly (9-1)

I was able to corral my middle child into making a pick (get it?).  It was clear that he was still bummed out that we didn't go to Foodfest at Suffolk Downs a couple of weeks ago.  We both liked the same horse (note to reader, I gave any younger pickers just a couple of horses to choose from, just so I don't have to wager on some 90-1 stiff because the horse's name was cool).  Unfortunately, the Irish horse was a non factor.  Why choose horses that had to be shipped across the Atlantic and across the country?

Race 5

Jmannreview:  Negligee (9-2)
Child #1:  Blind Luck (7-2)
Favorite:  Blind Luck (7-2)
Winner:  She Be Wild (7-1)

I didn't want to give my oldest child a reason to ask "What's a negligee?" so I didn't even give it to him as a choice.  I picked her despite my review of past performances because all of the TVG guys liked her.  What a washout.  Crowded out in the homestretch and ended up missing the Board.

Race 6

Jmannreview:  Forever Together (2-1)
Favorite:  Forever Together (2-1)
Winner:  Midday (2-1)

There goes my theory of the European horses.  I also lost my first wager of the afternoon.  Hooray!

Rave 7

Jmannreview:  Informed Decision (3-1)
Child #1:  Ventura (4-5)
Child #2:  Ventura (4-5)
Friend #1: Ventura (4-5)
Favorite:  Ventura (4-5)
Winner:  Informed Decision (3-1)

Child #1 explained his pick (Ventura) by declaring that it was almost Veterans' Day and they sound the same.  Good, logical response for a child.  Child #2 and Friend #1 picked Ventura because Child #1 picked her.  Kids, don't be followers.  Be leaders!  This was my pick of the day, evidenced by my "tweet" on October 10.  "RT @jmannreview Informed Decision is the best horse I've seen on turf this year."  I should have wagered a lot more than I did.  But I didn't want to frighten the children if I lost. 

Race 8

Jmannreview:  Music Note (2-1)
Favorite:  Careless Jewel (9-5)
Winner:  Life is Sweet (8-1)

Careless Jewel came out like a shot and had an 8 length lead down the back stretch.  With the possible exception of Secretariat in the 1973 Belmont, this kind of lead doesn't hold up.  And, there goes a fleet of horses to pass her down the back stretch.  Faded late to at least 6th.  I lost track as the pizza was arriving, and I just missed on my win/place wager. 

Not bad.  I ended up winning about $50 even though I only won one bet.  Not only that, but the children seemed enthusiastic about watching this with me.  Just wanted to see if you were still reading about horse racing.  Except for the couple of times that I could pin them down for a pick, they were playing video games or follow the leader.  Like I said though, be a leader, not a follower, kids.       

KG IS Walking through That Door - Celtics 2009-10 Preview

Depending on whom you ask, the 2009-2010 Celtics are either the first, second or third best team in the Eastern Conference sharing the top three spots with the Cavs and the Magic.  Opening the season tonight against one of their rivals, the Cleveland Cavaliers, the Celtics' position will immediately be tested.  Can the men of Green repeat the performance from 2007-2008, or will it be an injury-riddled year similar to 2008-2009?   

7:30pm.  Actually a beautiful view of the City of Cleveland, athough its amusing that Jacobs Field is lit up in the middle of October.  Please, those days are over, but thanks for wasting the natural resources to keep the lights at the baseball park on during the basketball game.  Also, I like Shaq.  I really do, but it's clear that the Real Shaq tweets from one of two places - Burger King or McDonalds.  The restaurants in the Flats better order some more supplies for after game dinners.  Oh my God is he large.

First Quarter.  Yes!  KG starts strong in the low post to get the first points of the season for the Celtics.  Looks quick for a 43 year old.  Unfortunately, the Celtics collectively look old and slow as Cleveland begins the game on a 13-2 run  The Celtics call a timeout to stop the momentum.  It may have been a technical foul, I don't know with this team.

In the span of one minute, we see what the Cavs are all about in 2009-2010 if LeBron ever gets injured.  Anderson Varejao flops in the paint and pops up crying, and Shaq scores his first points pushing Perk out of the way as he banks in a four footer.  Oh and by the way, that was a foul on Lebron James when he block Rondo's dunk attempt 8 minutes in.

Rasheed and his enormous afro takes his first of numerous ill-advised threes reminding me what it was like when Antoine Walker was jacking up his bricks ten years ago. Cheryl Miller immediately proceeds to tell us about Big Baby's problems with his injured thumb after he punches a former teammate.  What I don't understand is that Davis is going to be suspended, but Delonte West beats his wife, gets arrested on gun charges, fails to go to practice or to games and apparantly is just generally crazy, but they show him hugging some sycophant on the bench as Miller speaks in the background.  What's wrong with this picture?  Cavs 28 Celtics 21.

Second Quarter.  LeBron is on the bench and it shows.  The Celtics tie the game at 32 as LeBron daydreams on the bench about whether there will be enough cap space in Los Angeies next year.

I like the story of Doc Rivers instituting the 30 minutes window of silence on the team at practice yesterday because the players were getting too chirpy.  We institute silent time for our children when they get chirpy too.  Oh and by the way, in case you couldn't hear the guy on the Celtics bench...THREE SECONDS!  THREE SECONDS!!!

Wth three minutes left, we see our first in game interview with Shaq expressing his feelings about playing with the King.  Shaq acts humble about once being the best player in the world, but having to cede that title to LeBron James for the good of the team.  What a guy.  By the way, what the hell was that thing spinning in the background of his interview?  It looked like one of those insects from Starship Troopers.  Technical Foul Number 1 on the Celtics as Paul Pierce is called for an awkward looking travel/foul call.  Seriously, Doc needed a timeout for that play call?  Regardless, the Celtics rally from being down 19-5 in the First Quarter to being ahead 51-45 at halftime.

Third Quarter.  I probably was not the only one cringing when Shaq treated KG like a rack of Babyback ribs.  Nothing a couple of chest bumps can't sure.  I wonder what Danny Ainge was nervously laughin about after that exchange.  And please no more alley oops to Kevin Garnett.  Umm, please?

After seeing Shaq miss yet another bunny while LeBron is calling for the ball, I wonder how long before his minutes get reduced - Shaq's minutes, not LeBron's.  Celtics 72 Cavs 65.

Fourth Quarter.  I have to be honest, when Rasheed Wallace was on the Pistons, I hated seeing the random three point field goal with a hand in his face, despite the fact that he was a non-factor the majority of the game.  Now it's not so bad.

With seven minutes left, we have now entered the time of the game when LeBron spreads the floor and then drives to draw a foul - over and over again.  I love watching this kind of fundamental 1 on 5 basketball.  Oh wait!  Here comes Shaq with his first two free throws - "clang" "bam".   Misses both of them.  Almost as painful as watching Shaq's performance at the All Star Game last year with Jabberwocky.  In any event, the Celtics pull away from the pesky Cavs despite not employing the Hack-a-Shaq method of defense.  Celtics 95 Cavs 89.

Overall, considering Cleveland lost two games last year at home, this was a strong effort.  I was encouraged by the play of the big three - perhaps we'll see another Celtics-Lakers Finals?

Tim Wakefield's Revenge - 2009 ALCS Review

I remember that night back in 2003.  Sitting in the beer stained pub down the street.  Grady Little letting a 160 pound Dominican wrap him around his finger like a little girl.  The hits from Jeter and Matsui.  The tense 9th and 10th innings.  Then, the inevitable home run by Aaron Boone against Tim Wakefield.  Wakefield had pitched beautifully in this series, winning Game One and Game 4.  And these memories are still burned into my brain like fluttering demons.  In 2004, I tried to talk my friends into going into same bar we were in the previous year to exercise those remaining demons.  Same with 2007.  We never made it there that night or any night for that matter, and perhaps that's why this is still an important series to me, even if the rest of the country couldn't care less.  I want to exercise those demons still.  And so does Tim Wakefield.  It didn't happen in 2007 because Joba had those darn bug problems.  2008 was a washout because the Yankees were eliminated in the ALDS.  Wait, what, they didn't even make the playoffs that year?  Oh that's right, I was trying to remember the last time the Yankees won the World Series and I lost track. 

Fast forward to 2009.  The Red Sox won the first 8 games and the Yankes won 9 of the last 10.  Yankees fans will say that the 8-0 mark was a result of new guys trying to "chemie" one another.  (And A-Roid's secret one month drug ban).  Red Sox fans will say that the last three games didn't matter and besides the Yankees cheat. 

In their respective ALDS, the Yankees swept the Minnesota Twins. The Red Sox just handed the Angels their third consecutive defeat. The series that always seems to get more hype than it should is taking shape before our eyes. Yankees vs Red Sox IV.  What's going to happen?

October 16, 2009.  New York, NY.  Jon Lester, with his 2.84 ERA in Yankee Stadium in 2009 (No, I don't count the game where Melky Cabrera intentionally hit Lester in the knee with a baseball) dominates the Yankees' line up for 7 innings, giving up 1 run with 9 strikeouts.  CC Sabathia, on the other hand, remembering that the team is really counting on him now, takes a break from the cheeseburger and fries to throw up respectable numbers (for him and his 7.92 post season ERA) - 5 innings, 6 earned runs.   This game is over before it starts.  RED SOX 6 YANKEES 1.

October 17, 2009.  New York, NY.  Jose Molina and Jorge Posada start scratching each other's faces trying to catch AJ Burnett.  Ladies, please.   Meanwhile, Josh Beckett dominates in the playoffs, period.  Alright except for last year, got it.  AJ Burnett gives up 20 runs in 20 innings against the Red Sox.  J.D. Drew and David Ortiz hit home runs into the night.  AJ Burnett gets so melancholy he wants to punch Derek Jeter's permasmirk off of his face.  RED SOX 8 YANKEES 2.

October 19, 2009.  Boston, MA.  Clay Buchholz, the manchild, is in way over his head.  After a third shaky start in a row against the Angels in the ALDS, Bucholz proceeds to give up four home runs.  One to Damon around the Pesky Pole, one to A-Fraud into the Monster seats, one to Robinson Cano into the bullpen and one to Tex Mex (he gives me heartburn everytime I see his ugly mug, the jerk) to straight away center field.  Meanwhile Andy Pettitte continues his recent mastery over the Red Sox and throws a gem.  Get tickets to this game if you want to try to get a souvenir home run ball.  YANKEES 9  RED SOX 4.

October 20, 2009.  Boston, MA.  This is even worse.  Even though CC Sabathia's Fenway Park split is mediocre (4.61 ERA).  He can certainly out pitch Daisuke Matsuzaka.  When the year started, I had Dice learning the system and pitching 215 innings and winning 18-20 games.  Instead, we got this.  YANKEES 8 RED SOX 3.

October 22, 2009. Boston, MA  Jon Lester hits Melky Cabrera in the third inning and everyone outside of New York cheers.  I wish it were Johnny Damon, Jeter, Posada, A-Rod, etc., but I'm still pleased.  He then masters the Yankees again to give the Red Sox a 3-2 lead.  Dustin Pedroia finally comes through with 3 hits and 2 RBIs.  RED SOX 4  YANKEES 2.

October 24, 2009.  New York, NY.  This is the best game of the series so far.  Jeter leads off with a double and gets driven in by a Tex-Lax single.  These are the only Yankees base runners until the 6th inning.  Meanwhile, Andy Pettitte, who never has great post season statistics or games specifically against the Red Sox, pours it on.  1-0 into the top of the ninth.  Mariano Rivera comes in.  I throw Bill Mueller and Dave Roberts hand made dolls at him.  I start singing "Tessie," anything to get this guy off his game.  AND IT WORKS!  Mike Lowell hits a single.  Joey Gathright pinch runs for him and of course steals second.  This kid has just gotten himself a job for life in Boston (See the aforementioned Dave Roberts).  JD Drew, 3 for 24 in the series, with 7 called strikeouts, hits a grounder between stone hips (Jeter) and no hips (A-Roid).  TIE SCORE!  Not a fairy tale ending in this one, though, as in the bottom of the ninth, Billy Wagner gives up the walk off to Texeira.  I hope we get a couple of good players from the draft for this stiff.  YANKEES 2 RED SOX 1.

October 25, 2009.  New York, NY.  Clay Buchholz vs. CC Sabathia.  This is what playoff baseball is all about; and for the 3rd time in seven years, the Red Sox and the Yankees are going to play Game 7.  I'm watching the game hunkered down with a couple of friends.  I don't remember 2004 or 2007 at this point.  I remember Bucky Dent and Ray Knight and Aaron Boone (Beep, beep, beep).  I thought I forgave Bill Buckner when he came out at the ring ceremony a couple years ago (although we all forgave him when he came back to play at the end of his career, no?), but I had the same look of disbelief that Buckner had when Johnny Damon hit the grand slam against Buchholz.  Really, is this bizarro Johnny?  A grand slam at Yankee Stadium in Game 7 of an ALCS?  I could hit a home run in that band box, but that's not the point.  This is not the Red Sox of old.  They haven't been for 5 years.  Although the Yankees lead by 6 in the third inning, five straight hits from Youk, Papi, J-Bay, Mikey and JD Drew (I don't know a good nickname for him except for "Called Strike Three" or "CST" for short) cut the lead in half.  And then an opposite field home run by Youk in the fourth ties the game.  Francona needs to get Buchholz out of there as he gives up a couple of more runs and begins to openly cry. 

I had forgotten that Wakefield was put on the roster because his back had finally responded to treatment (I think he had both hips replaced, but that's just me), so I was surprised to see him come out of the bull pen to start the 5th inning.  One, two, three inning in the 5th.  Maybe this could be it!  The innings get later and later.  The Red Sox tie the score at 8 in the 7th inning and take the lead in the 8th when the most maligned player of the year, David Ortiz, hits a towering home run near the Utz sign.  We are in euphoria!  We all hug each other in manly ways.  Papelbon comes in the 9th to finish the game and the RED SOX ADVANCE!  Wakefield comes waddling out slaps a couple of guys on the back because he's too old and fragile to dive on the pile.   RED SOX 9  YANKEES 8.

Wakefield was able to exercise some demons this night.  Game 7, Yankee Stadium. I cringed when Pedro came out in Game 7 against the Yankees in 2004, because that seemed forced.  The Red Sox needed Wakefield to save a spent bullpen and he came through this time.  Was this the reason why he wouldn't retire event though he had plenty of money and two rings?  It was inevitable that these two teams would face each other again, while he was still able to pitch.  Maybe.

By the way, these hugs and cheers when the game is over take place at the same tavern that I was in on that fateful night 6 years earlier.  I had come here in the 6th inning when Wakefield came out.  A lot of the same people were here, too.  And it was comforting to see their faces.  Maybe now I can talk rationally with my children about the Red Sox, now that I've been able to settle this remaining debt.  We'll see when the Sox play Manny and the Dodgers in the World Series.  

Who Can Beat Jmann Review? NFL Game Blog #2

After a sterling 8-8 showing in Week 2, Jmann Review, C and G are back for more in Week 4.  The games appear a little easier to pick as several teams just plain stink.  2 or 3 game teases should be your preferred choice of the day against these teams.  C and G get their football jerseys on, and, after telling them that this time they are playing for real money, they watch the NFL Network's pregame show with me to prime their picks.  More importantly, Jmann Review continues its long journey to a .500 record.

Baltimore
New England (-1.5)

C:  New England.  "They're the best team."
G:  New England.  "They're the best team."
C:  "You are such a copycat!"  "I hate you, you are such a butthead!"
Jmann Review:  I like New England at home.  Baltimore has never won in Foxboro and in fact has been blown out twice by a combined score of 44-6.  Now we're going to take a little break so that my assistants may experience a little "attitude adjustment."

All right, that "attitude adjustment" actually resulted in bedtime.  Now we're we're sitting here on Sunday morning.  I've switched up the order so I don't have to hear the words "Copycat" or "Butthead."

Green Bay
Minnesota (-4)

G:  Minnesota.  "Because there is a king in the world and he'll play for the Vikings!  Will the King play for the Vikings?"
C:  Minnesota.  "Vikings kill people.  I've seen them do that on Spongebob."  I guess that's another show I have to block on cable.  I lose another babysitter, too.
Jmann Review:  Minnesota.  I don't think the players care about Brett Favre nearly as much as the fans do.  Minnesota will win in a walkover.  But Favre will throw three interceptions in the process.

Dallas
Denver (+3)

G:  Dallas.  "Because I picked them last time."  Good memory; I hope he remembers that he has to clean his room and make his bed after we're done.
C:  Denver.  "I think the Broncos is a cool name"  I ask him if he knows what a "bronco" is.  "Yeah, a guy who plays football on Sunday"  Okay, I can't argue with that.
Jmann Review:  Denver.  Dallas and Tashard (third) Choice are going to have a tough time against the Kyle Orton-led offense.  Imagine that, Josh McDaniel.

NY Jets
New Orleans (-7.5)

G:  New Orleans.  "I'm never going to pick a team from New York to win.  Yankees?  No. NO!"  OK, settle down big guy
C:  New York Jets.  "Jets go really fast."
Jmann Review:  Jets.  As much as it pains me to say it, the Jets have a very good team.  I think the turf is great place for their fast defense to dominate. 

Detroit
Chicago (-10)

G:  Chicago.  "They sound like a good team."  When I ask him what that means, he stares at me.  "Can I play the Wii now if I tell you why they sound like a good team?"  I tell him no, but that he can go outside.  Guess where he is right now?
C:  Chicago.  "Bears are a lot more restless than Lions are."  Before I can ask him what the hell that means, he follows G outside.
Jmann Review: Chicago. The Bears have faced a couple of stiff defenses.  I think now that they play a couple of cupcakes, Jay Cutler will start getting going.

Write the rest of this down, Cincinnati (-7), Oakland (+9), Indianapolis (-10), New York Giants (-9), Jacksonville (+3), Tampa Bay (+7.5), Miami (Pick 'em), San Francisco (-10), San Diego (+7).  In fact, if I were betting man, I would do a three team tease taking a combination of Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Chicago, New York Giants, San Francisco and San Diego. 

Is it Really Better to Watch Football on TV?

The crowds at the urinals, the traffic, the obscenely expensive ticket prices, parking fees and beers. I've been bombarded with generalizations about how much better it is to watch football games on TV. Is it really true? Can football be more enjoyable with HDTV, a six pack and a couple of actual kids, rather than live action, $7.50 beers and several thousand "kids?"

Foxboro, MA.  8am.  September 27, 2009.  I readily admit that I was watching the Weather Channel radar this morning when I heard the rain outside my window.  I continued to watch the Weather Channel update station (where no one talks, its just a continuous loop of the doppler radar) while marinading the steak tips with my special Jameson's marinade.  I just don't have a good record with weather at football games.  Rain at the Jets game, Snow at the Jaguars game.  A couple of Dolphins games that swore me off of live football forever, or at least temporarily, as it turns out.  But it's difficult to turn down an opportunity to go to a game, even though I am so woefully unprepared for weather at football games.  Contrast with...

Home.  5pm.  September 14, 2009.  It's the first game of the season.  Tom Brady is playing his first game in months, and the Patriots have the early 7pm game of a Monday Night Doubleheader.  This is set up for a perfect TV experience.  But wait!  I find out that my wife has to work until 6pm tonight.  I'm not sure who's more bummed out, me or the kids, since they are going to have to fend for themselves for dinner and bedtime.  I figure that the 7 year old can make his younger brother and sister waffles - it is the Patriots opening night after all.  They can also get themselves some goldfish, I left the packages where they can reach them in the pantry.  That's okay, I think to myself.  Waffles and goldfish just this one time.  Besides, I was teaching Daddy's Little Girl (DLG) to say on command "Are you ready for some football?"

PREGAME:

Foxboro, MA. 9:30am.  We get to the parking lot a little late and park near the far corner.  I'm told that we're parking dangerously close to this group of very sensitive 50 year old guys who claim that corner as their own.  We park in this lot because of the proximity and ease of the HOV lane.  They park in this lot (and this corner of the lot specifically) because that is the best spot for their Bose stereo and tent placement.  They kind of look like a poor man's Sons of Anarachy.  In fact, I see one guy pay the parking attendant an extra $20 (at least) to save spots for their buddies, and park other cars at an angle to maximize their tent coverage.  Seriously?  Yes, seriously they answer as we're told six times that their buddies are coming and we need to move the tent we're setting up.  And NOW.  "Can you just wait until our tent is locked in?" my buddy asks.  "No, you see they're in line up there, they'll be here in 5 or 10 minutes." they answer.  These guys are really worried.  Luckily, I brought some cupcakes to settle everyone down.  Otherwise they really might have gone after that Falcons fan.

Home.  5:30pm.  I get a frantic call from my wife.  The gift cards that my wife so generously gave me for a couple of free rounds of golf were actually meant to be donated to her charity tournament.  "You didn't give one to my Father did you?"  "Well yeah, you told me to."  I answer.  "Damn it!"  She shrieks.  I'm not sure if she's saying this because of all of the times I picked to actually listen to her, I picked this one.  But no matter because she has to race home and then race to Hanson to get the charity golf cards and then drop them back off.  6pm is out of the question now.  "Do you mind taking one of the boys?" I, er, ask myself when she comes home to pick up one of the cards.  I'm pretty sure she didn't hear that question because it followed my question of whether she knew how to get back to the Club she just came from. 

7pm is OK, though, because I'll just crack open one of the Bud Lights I left for myself and sit...what the Hell happened to the beer I left?  Oh great.  "Daddy, I'm thirsty." DLG sweetly says to me.  "You and me both, cutie.  You and me both."

GAMETIME

Foxboro, MA.  12:55pm.  I have to admit that the 3 sausages, 10 shrimp, 8 steak tips and the three beers have made the half jog to the Stadium a little difficult.  P90X doesn't teach you fitness when you fill your stomach with toxins.  When we get to the stadium, my buddy has a great idea, that I can't help but think has been implemented before.  Although our seats are in the 300 level, let's just start the game in the 100 level, he explains.  Interesting concept, maybe just for a couple of minutes.  "Just wait until the usherette is busy helping someone and just slip in with the crowd."  Wait, this sounds a little too nefarious for my taste, but I capitulate because at this point it's easier going down stairs than up ramps.  We settle into the seats below.

To make us pay for our transgressions, the football Gods put us next to a guy from Los Angeles who is vigorously rooting against the Patriots - not for the Falcons - but against the Patriots.  Before I knew he was from L.A., I asked this tool who quarterbacked the Falcons when they went to their only Super Bowl a couple of years ago.  I couldn't remember the answer either, but who cares, I'm the one ASKING the questions here.  Finally, after the First Quarter, when it was clear that these seats weren't going to be taken away from us, I mentioned that we should go.  I had to go to the bathroom anyway.  "Come on let's stay, these seats are ours.  Just go take a leak, and when you come back, just act like you own the place."  Too tired to debate, I come back from the bathroom (with no line in the 100 Section), go the the aisle and proceed to point to a couple of people I didn't know and said "What's up!" and gave the usherette a knowing nod.  I'm not sure I know what "acting like I own the place" actually means.  My kids own my house.  One observation, I love painted faces.  My wife would kill me if I embarrassed myself in that way, but painted faces are just plain cool.  Patriots 26 Atlanta 10.

Home. 7pm.  The game starts.  I tell the boys that if they watch the game, they can stay up past their bedtimes.  I know bribery is not a good parenting practice.  "Are there going to be fireworks or muskets," my 5 year old asks, clearly still scarred from the preseason game we went to a couple of weeks before.  "Not if you sit down and don't make a sound." I gently explain to him.  I then wink at my 7 year old, who seems to get the joke.  If I'm going to bribe my kids, I might as well manipulate them into being quiet too.  Finally, my wife comes home at 7:30.  She asks me why the kids aren't in bed yet on a school night, I ask her if she got any beer to replace the ones she drank the night before.  My question didn't go over well, so I just sat back down, while she graciously put the boys to bed.  As she goes up stairs I defiantly tell her that DLG is in bed.  "Good job."  She mutters.  I proceed to watch an awful game until the last 5 minutes, but you know how it ends.  Patriots 25 Bills 24.

POSTGAME

Foxboro, MA.  4:30pm.  It's still early and everyone is happy.  A couple of the sensitive types are lying on the grass/mud near their Bose speaker.  I'm not really sure if they went in to the game or just got drunk and listened to their Snoop Dog/Lynyrd Skynyrd mix tape.  Experienced some traffic, then drank some more beer and a celebratory shot of Jamesons, then swent home a couple of hours later.  Have to go to work the next morning.

Home. 10:15pm.  Everyone is in bed.  So I go to bed, too.  Have to go to work the next morning.

Attending games in person is an expensive adventure.  These tickets are scarce (I know being on the wait list for years) and so they come with a premium.  However, there is not substitute for a football game live.  The camaraderie, the smells, the excitement just can't be duplicated no matter how many guys are in front of the TV and how clear the picture is.  I give the edge to live action.  Maybe when I get my tickets, my 5 year old won't be so afraid of the muskets and fireworks.

  

Trying to Debunk a Baseball Myth

It's that time of year my eyes and ears are telling me.  I feel the winds start turning to the North, my allergies are kicking up and newspapers, Internet columnists, TV and Radio hosts and fans, having run out of ideas to debate at the end of a long baseball season, start arguing about some very inane topics.  I guess I am just as much to blame for reading and listening to the self important blowhards in the first place, but the issue that rears its ugly head over and over, year after year, is the concept of resting players for the playoffs.  "If we can just rest our players and set up our pitching staff and rotation, we'll be all set for the playoffs."  The thinking goes something like that.

This is not completely true in the context of a small sampling of recent playoff performances.  I have reviewed the performance of playoff teams from the last six years (hey give me a break, I have a full time job, too, you know) that could not afford to rest their players because they were fighting to even MAKE the playoffs.  While true that, of the 14 playoff teams that could not rest their players before the playoffs only seven of those teams could reasonably be deemed to have been successful in the playoffs, an overwhelming number of those teams were successful or unsuccessful based on one factor - who started Game One of the Division Series.  It is irrelevant, Messrs. Rodriguez, Damon and Texeira if your everyday players and relief corps rest, so long as you have CC starting Game One.  Although ask the Indians fans how relying on the big fella has turned out.  All that really matters, though is that you set up your staff so that one of your best pitchers pitch Game One of the Division Series.  That's it.

2003.  The Red Sox edged the Mariners for the Wild Card.  However, Pedro Martinez was still able to start Game One of ALDS for the Red Sox.  While he lost that game to the Athletics in a well pitched game, the Red Sox ended up moving on in thrilling fashion until losing in Game 7 of the ALCS.  Great memories, I tell you.  Similarly, the Cubs won the NL Central in a tight race over the Astros.  Kerry Wood, their second best pitcher that year after Mark Prior, won Game One of the NLDS, right before Steve Bartman's mother shot his and Prior's right arms off. (2 quality Game One starters, 2 series wins)

2004.  The Angels that year overtook the Athletics in the last couple of weeks of the season.  However, for their efforts, Jarrod Washburn, a mediocre pitcher who continues to pitch because he's lefthanded, was thrashed by the Red Sox.  In the National League, it was a tale of two different teams.  The Astros and the Dodgers fought San Francisco for the last two playoff spots.  While the Astros had Roger Clemens dominate in between cycles and in his first post-Yankees post season start, the Dodgers started Odalis Perez who not surprisingly got shelled by the Cardinals. (2 awful starters, two series losses, one quality starter, one win)

2005.  Matt Clement.  Ouch.  In the National League, Houston and Atlanta overtook Philadelphia to win the Wild Card and the NL East, respectively.  The Braves started Tim Hudson, one of their best pick ups, who lost.  Andy Pettitte, presumably the third best pitcher on the Astros that year despite 17 wins, a 2.39 ERA and the fourth most HGH in his locker, ended up winning over the Braves. (two quality starters, one series win; one awful starter, one series loss)

2006.  The Tigers lost 5 in a row to end the regular season and settled for the Wild Card.  As a result, they started (journey stopping man) Nate Robertson (See Jarrod Washburn above).  Not a good selection as the Tigers got handed the loss; however, they got the last laugh as they ended up beating the Yankees on the way to the World Series.  Both the Dodgers and the Padres had to struggle to enter the playoffs (in fact the Dodgers had to win their last 7 to secure their spot).  Derek Lowe (#1 Starter) and Jake Peavy (#3 Starter, in an injury riddled campaign) both lost their Game One assignments.  (Two awful starters, one series win; one quality starter, one series loss)

2007.  The Rockies amazing run through the National League to the World Series started with a Mets collapse and a tiebreaker with the Padres.  Jeff Francis, their number 1 starter, started and won game one. (One quality starter, one series win)

2008.  Javier Vazquez started the first game for the White Sox after the White Sox defeated the Twins in a tiebreaker.  Vazquez demonstrated why the Yankees got rid of him three years before by getting shelled by the upstart Rays.  Derek Lowe again was the featured starter for a Dodgers team that barely won the pennant over Arizona.  Lowe pitched a solid game en route to leading the Dodgers into the second round.
(One quality starter, one series win; one awful starter, one series loss).

Again, my theory is quite complex, yet very simple.  If a team must scramble into the playoffs, 11 out of the last 14 times, a good Game One starter means a Series win and a bad Game One starter means a series loss.  So go ahead Messrs. Jeter, Cano and Ms. Posada, keep piling on those statistics, just keep AJ and Joba away until Game 2. 

Who Can Beat JMann Review? NFL Game Blog #1

I have reviewed the NFL picks of others for years.  Whether it be for my fantasy football teams, my Streak for Cash, or to bet points for entertainment purposes on little white cards, I have poured over numerous articles and columns from writers purporting to know more than the next.  Inevitably, they all end the season within a couple of games of .500.  Why spend $500 for a picking service when the best you can hope for is a 50% win rate?  It's cheaper to have an amateur like me pick the games for you.  I promise to be within a couple of games of .500 too.  And I will prove this point with my sporadic NFL Game Blog.  I think any one can pick games, including myself; I mean, it's like picking heads or tails, really.  This week's edition features two of the finest athletes I know related to me, C and G. 

7pm.  With much hesitation, and a promise that if they pick every game right they'll win ten dollars, my assistant pickers sidle up next to me.  They figure this a good way to avoid cleaning their rooms, I hear them whisper to each other.

New England
New York Jets (+4)

G:  NE.  "They are the greatest team in the whole entire world."  What more can I add?
C:  NE.  Wanting to pick against his brother, err other picker, C instead decides to go with the obvious choice.  "Tom Brady is the best quarterback," he declares as I glare at him to pick New England.
JMann Review:  NE.  Expect a score like 31-10.

New York Giants
Dallas (-3)

C:  Dallas.  "Because Cowboys are tough..." he says,  "...to keep out of jail," "to keep away from the cheerleaders," I start thinking to myself.  I have a million of them.
G:  Dallas. "And because New York are the Yankees, and I hate the Yankees."  I ask G why he didn't say the same thing for the Jets game.  They're in New York?"  I guess technically, but no one cares about them.
JMann Review.  Dallas.  I call it right here. No one is hitting the scoreboard this year.  A punter who makes his punt coverage cover a punt a second time because he hits the scoreboard might get his pencil-neck broken.  My other call:  Dallas will not win the Super Bowl with Tony Romo as the starting quarterback.  After the muffed field goal attempt against the Seahawks a couple of years ago, I concluded that Tony Romo can't lead a team to a big win, he's just to much of a nervous nelly.  I don't call too many people that, but its the best description I can think for him. 

Baltimore
San Diego (-3)

G.  San Diego. "Baltimore played the Red Sox and they lost, when we saw them.  Drake and Josh live in San Diego, may be they will be on the Chargers."
C:  San Diego.  "I like the Chargers because you are charged up and you'll push people over."  I guess its better than one team beating another because of the ferociousness of the team name. 
JMann Review:  Baltimore.  It seems like everyone on the Chargers is hurt.  I think we'll stop now to listen to "San Diego Super Chargers, San Diego Chargers!"

Pittsburgh
Chicago (+3)

G:  Chicago.  "I like their name.  Bears will crush them!"  I guess there goes that theory about picking winners from their team names.  Although I'm surprised that he didn't go with the Steelers because there is a Pokemon character with a similar sounding name.
C:  Chicago.  "Teams don't win two Super Bowls in a row."  Except the Patriots, and the Cowboys, and the Steelers, and the Packers back in the 1960's.  I like the logic, though.
JMann Review:  Steelers.  Jay Cutler sucks.  Absolutely terrible.  I have him on my fantasy football team, and I chose not to start anyone at quarterback and keep Cutler on the bench.  Coach Dale would be proud of me. 

At this point, the new ICarly starts, so I've lost my assistants.  They were kind enough, however, to give me the rest of their picks.

C:  Philadelphia, Minnesota, Washington, Atlanta, Jacksonville, Cincinnati, Tennessee, Kansas City, Buffalo, Seattle, Denver and Miami.

G:  Philadelphia, Minnesota, Washington, Carolina, Jacksonville, Green Bay, Tennessee, Kansas City, Buffalo, San Francisco, Denver and Miami.

JMann Review:  New Orleans (-1.5), Minnesota (-9.5), Washington (-10), Jacksonville (-3.5), Carolina (+6), Cincinnati (+9), Tennessee (+7), Oakland (+3), Tampa Bay (+4.5), Seattle (+1), Denver (-3) and Indianapolis (-3).

The journey toward 10 dollars begins.

WNBA Expect Great Halftime Shows

My daughter (Daddy's little girl or DLG for short) looked up at me recently after playing basketball with her in the driveway.  "When can I go to a game, Daddy?"  "A basketball game?" I asked, not understanding that she wanted to see REAL basketball being played, not Daddy's version of basketball to which she's grown accustomed.  Thinking about it, I looked at the Celtics schedule for the 2009-10 season.  I decided that telling her we can go in three months wasn't going to work for DLG.  Rec basketball?  That couldn't possibly cut it either.  I started thinking long and hard about viable alternatives.  The Red Sox? NASCAR? Candlepin Bowling?  Definitely not Candlepin Bowling.

Then the idea struck me - the WNBA!  Looking at the schedule, I see that the Connecticut Sun is playing its last game of the season a couple of weeks away.  It's at a casino too!  Could this be the perfect Father-Daughter get away?

Uncasville, CT.  3pm.  The afternoon doesn't start well.  First, we get stuck in traffic taking my patented Mohegun Sun shortcut and we arrive late - straight past the craps table directly to the game, I suppose.  Then, I find out that I can't bring DLG into the casino, anyway.  Even my promises that she'll be in my arms the whole time and I won't let her throw the dice doesn't convince the security guard.  Such sticklers; I guess she won't become a gambling degenerate like her Dad until we go see horse racing next month.  To add salt to my wounded gambling streak, the ticket lady tells me that I can't use my Mohegan Sun dream card to buy tickets.  Either that or I'm such a poseur that I don't have enough points to buy even the cheapest seats.

After avoiding a couple of scalpers (Did you not just see the ticket line I was in?), we make our way into the arena.  It sounds like March Madness inside - not what I would imagine the WNBA would be like -  and it was extremely exciting.  It might as well have been scary monsters, gunshots and thunder and lightning to DLG, though, as she immediately puts her hands over her ears and starts screaming that she wants to go home.  I cringe too when I hear the Indian war cry as the teams rallying cry.  How can the PC Police ignore this?  It's kind of loud.  To try to calm her fears, I show her the Connecticut Boxing Hall of Fame, which consists of a dozen plaques, a blank tv screen and a little bust.  Great idea, Dad.  "You see Marlon Starling?  He used to live in Daddy's home town!"  I explain to her.  With her hands still over her ears she shakes her head even more violently and now demands "I want to go home now, Daddy!!"  I didn't have the heart to tell her that after driving two and half hours we weren't going anywhere, so I told her we would leave in a "little while," and we proceeded to our seats. 

Phew, just a couple of sideways glances from some spectators as DLG continues to be freaked out.  "Are the Sun going to make the playoffs?" I ask the guy behind me.  "No, because they lost Friday night.  Do you think your daughter wants to go home?"  Thanks, dude, I wasn't sure what those exact words meant until you said them to me instead of DLG.  Anyway, DLG finally settled down and started eating her popcorn, just like I thought she would, and we began to watch the game.  It wasn't long before it was half time with the Connecticut Sun leading Indiana 40-39. 

We just sat down, so we stayed for the show.  The half time show started with the Senior Sun Dance Team dancing to Beyonce.  "Senior" meaning "Senior Citizen."  Oh my God, were they dancing to settle gambling debts with the Sun?  The show then moved on to a guy who could hit 80 golf balls in 50 seconds.  More impressive than the guy hitting the balls was the guy putting the balls down for him.  How did he not get hit by the flying club?  Finally, a game of musical chairs on center court followed by pin the tale on the donkey.  I'm only kidding about Pin the Tale on the Donkey.  Somewhere, Jackie Moon was smiling, though.  In my opinion, professional sports should not be about the swag, but about the game.  A foul ball, loose puck or randomly tossed equipment should be the only items that fans should be getting.  Besides, we were too high up to win or catch anything.

As the Third Quarter started, the person next to me says that all of Indiana's starters have been pulled out to rest for the playoffs and that one of their stars looked like she got a knee injury.  It doesn't matter to DLG and I, we were having a great time now and the basketball fundamentals being executed were refreshing to watch after years of watching the one on one style of modern day NBA.  We decided to leave at the end of the Third Quarter with the Sun up by 7 or 8.  In a complete turnaround, DLG now DIDN'T want to leave the game, so we stay a little longer. 

As we're walking out of the Arena toward the end of the game, DLG asks "When can we go again?"  "Next year sweetie, its the last game of the season."  I tell her.  "Ohhohh" she says when she's not happy "Can we go again tomorrow?"  Thank you, WNBA, you just made two new fans, tonight.

Simba or Nala, Detroit Lions 2009

Coaching is one of the most important factors in a football team's success or failure. Especially in a league that values and encourages parity, coaching, whether good or bad, can make the difference between the playoffs and the playouts. Bill Belichick took a reeling Patriots team that didn't want to sing "Lean on me" with Pete Carroll to the Super Bowl two years later. Bill Walsh exerted his genius to take the 49ers to the Super Bowl shortly after a 2-14 season. That being said, what do the following quotes have in common?

"But this league is about winning..."

"I don't look into the future...I'm going to get up and go to work."

"But overall, I feel that the progression of this team was a good one."

"Am I discouraged? No way, I'm not."

"The record doesn't show it, but I have great belief in myself."

Perhaps you were stumped -was it a Pop Warner coach? - until you read that last quote. Former head coach Rod Marinelli offered those post-game quotes when the Lions were sitting at 0-2, 0-4, 0-6, 0-10 and 0-12, respectively, last year. There is a symmetry with the games I picked for quotes, as there was no shortage of delusional quotes from the beleaguered coach after odd-numbered games, too. I still shake my head when I reread that Marinelli thinks the NFL is about winning. (Robert Kraft and Jerry Jones may still say its about $10 beers and sausages, and not about winning.)

Lions fans were of course hopeful when the pathetic Matt Millen was fired after the third week of the season last year, but the Lions just could not turn things around. The benchings of both Daunte Culpepper and Dan Orlovsky DURING GAMES must have led some to bring the paper bags out. I tried to see during the Thanksgiving Day game, but I was asleep about three minutes after the Turkey was eaten. Besides, its difficult to come up with a pithy name for a bad Lions' team like the "Ain'ts" back in New Orleans in the 1980's. It was hopeless.

Contrast the above with the following quotes from earlier this year:

"But it's going to be our decision here and its going to be based on the information we have at hand...not from taking a poll and not from an 'ask the audience' lifeline."

"But there were a couple [of players] that probably took themselves off the bubble, maybe more in a negative way rather than a positive way..."

Short of Barry Sanders taking over the head coaching position, these are the most refreshing thoughts to come along Lionland in while, and they are from the new head coach, Jim Schwartz. Except for the fact that Coach probably didn't know that "Who wants to be a Millionaire" is on only in the daytime now, I am encouraged that the Lions have finally righted the ship. Remember good coaching can make a mediocre team decent, just as easily as bad coaching can make a team, well, 0-16. Starting a football career working for Bill Belichick can't hurt either?

Presuming Matthew Stafford does not supplant Daunte Culpepper until week six of the season, the Lions have brought in a lot of young players whose immediate impact is questionable. However, offensive stalwarts Calvin Johnson and Kevin Smith are each one year older and the defense won't give up 517 points again, right? Review: I'm predicting home wins against the Redskins, the Rams and the Browns and an away win against the Bengals (long rest after Thanksgiving). 4-12. Eh, could be worse.

P90X is Ridiculously Dificult Review

P90X is supposed to give you the beach body that you always wanted. In fact the firm's website is http://www.beachbody.com/. Why don't they use P90X.com? Anyway, the testimonials are striking. No finger in the loose waistline demonstrating that you lost maybe 5 five pounds max using the "Diet Clear" or "Oxyclean" diets that you read about in Parade magazine. These people were ripped!

I finally decided to give it a try myself when friends got it the program from friends of theirs. The program is so damned expensive that these DVDs are shared; I'm convinced that no one actually buys it. I was also skeptical that I could find a place to support my weight doing pull ups, forget about about finding a pull up bar some where in the house. (That's the one item that does not get shared, the pull up bar.) So my journey to P67X has begun. I did the first dvd - chest and back, and am pretty sore even in my legs. Now I'm on to plyometrics. Plyo-x. "Jumping" for an hour is more like it.

7:30am. 10 minutes in. We're introduced to Tony's crew. The first guy is Erik. He has a prosthetic leg and is being required to perform a routine where you are supposed to jump up and around for an hour? You've gotta be kidding me. But, maybe this won't be so tough if a guy with one leg who really doesn't look that buff can do it. Probably not the reaction P90X was hoping for. The final member of the crew is a woman named Pam the Blam. I later find out that she's a PI. Uhh, I hope that she got paid handsomely for this appearance because a million people knowing that you are a PI is NOT good for business.

45 minutes left. After some stretching (the stretching routine is administered and timed by Beachbody's lawyers. "Hey don't blame me for that blown hamstring, you should have stretched!"), we start doing swing kicks, which requires you to swing your legs over some tall object for a minute. I choose to swing my legs over the seat of the chair. Snickering abounds, but hey, my quads are tightly strung and prone to exhaustion.

37 minutes left. I'm starting to tire as I hear the instructor say "Do your best to forget the rest" Is that really what he said? I ask my 3 year old daughter if that's what he said, and she agrees with me. Good girl.

25 minutes left. I'm getting extremely tired now, just in time for guitar hero jumps and Russian squat dancing. I have to admit, these sucked.

9 minutes left. Start shadow pitching right handed and left handed and shadow basketball shooting left and right handed. I never expected that practicing sports left handed and right handed would come in handy like this.

4 minutes left. Finally, I'm done. A couple of minutes of "cool down" that was lawyer-approved followed. Overall, I'm sweating profusely and I feel accomplished very early in morning. I have a favorable review of this program overall. I will not post my before and after pictures when I'm done, though. I think I'm gaining weight.

Is a Williams' Sister Going to Win Again Review?

I started reading Rick Reilly's column about the underreported Williams' Sisters http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/columns/story?id=4423192 and was genuinely confused, since SportsCenter usually goes nuts when they are playing in the slams. No one really cares about Tennis other than the slams, so it seemed to me that they were simply "reported" not "underreported." It didn't take me very long to get his point, though. It's not that they are underreported, it's that they could dominate the sport without really caring, and the 2009 US Open was no exception. They both took time off. Fashionistas they are! "Celebrity" boyfriends. It doesn't matter. With Venus playing against some Russian "ova," I decided to take a look at Venus' intensity and drive and watch tennis for the first time in years without my Streak for Cash on the line.

7:30pm. What the hell is David Robinson and Doug Flutie doing on Center Court? After I get over how diminutive Flutie really is, I am struck by a montage of feel good pictures of some school called the Andre Agassi College Preparatory Academy. I'm not sure my kids would get into college if they were learning from Andre Agassi. A disastrous rendition of America the Beautiful by Rob Thomas and an unnamed guitarist followed Andre's Stay in School speech. My wife was getting peeved that I was watching this in the first place, and after an hour it hadn't even started yet. Closer to the matchtime, Pam Shriver interviews the Russian. I can't really understand a word she says, but it really doesn't matter, does it? After a brief interview with Venus, where she uttered one word answers to a couple of inane questions, Mary Carillo chides Shriver that she "cracks the Williams like walnuts." Oh my.

The first game of the first set starts just as everyone expected - Venus overpowers the young Russian (Her name is Dushevina) for the first couple of points. The older folks are starting to get a little sleepy, but then pow - a couple of double faults and a couple of mishits - and the Dush breaks serve! I am interested to see how Williams responds.

I was getting a little bored though waiting for some sort of response, I admit, so I turned the station with the young Russian leading the match. When I returned, I saw the trainer working on Venus' knee. Of course! If I were a heavy favorite and I were losing, I would be accentuating my balky knee myself - either that or leg cramps. I do hear Rob Thomas and Santana in the background, just to rub salt into Rob Thomas' wounds of a music career. Rob probably didn't get good enough seats to hear the background music?

I come back several minutes later to the Dush serving for the set, but I also see Venus moving around even better than before with the miracle knee wrap. I lose interest again for a little while, look up, and see that the first set has been stolen by the young Russian. Venus' knee has got to be hurting now more than ever.

And as the second set begins, we learn that the knee has been bothering Venus for 6 weeks. Why didn't someone tell Reilly? Back and forth the crippled Williams and the Dush go - point/counterpoint. Finally, serving for the set, Williams unleashes three tremendous serves. The young Russian looks rattled heading into set 3.

After Williams smoked the first 4 games, the young Russian appeared to finally get the concept of moving the hobbled Williams around the court and won the next three games. It's too late though and Williams ultimately won in the third set. Despite the announcers treating Williams like her leg was shot, it appeared to me that Williams' knee will be just fine. She alarmingly lacked any fire, though, even when the match was on the line in the second set. A couple of glares at the Dush was all she could muster at the end of the match. Based on this match, my review is that she loses in the second or third round. I hope that goes underreported.

P.S. Roddick must be excited to start his match at 11pm.

Favre Hole Review

It was a beautiful night on the outskirts of Plymouth. Ten men had gathered, laptops in hand, to conduct (for me at least), the first annual NE Fantasy Football League Draft. I was skeptical, never having done a live draft before, that I would succeed in such a foreign environment. Usually, I just let the computer pick for me, but this time I had a game plan - SLEEPERS.

7pm. After a couple of beers from the kegerator, and a couple of scathing texts from my wife openly questioning both my manhood and maturity, the draft began. I believed that having the second pick was a Godsend. ESPN's computer suggested that I pick Michael Turner, but instead I chose Maurice Jones-Drew.

In a twelve man league, my euphoria was quickly replaced by dread as all the other good players were taken in front of my next pick - #23. Steve Slaton, Randy Moss, were all taken in front of me, so I settled for Reggie Wayne. My team wasn't shaping up so well since I picked a woman with a hyphenated name and a guy that I wished Jim Sorgi would throw to. Things improved though with my next three picks - Roddy White at 26, Jay Cutler at 47 and Antonio Gates at 50. I finally reached for that third beer.

My next pick, Knowshon Moreno at #71 was met with silence reserved only for new guys. But the computer told me to pick him!

I'm listening to the story of the drunk guy who crashed into the poles protecting the front door of the local liquor store, only to climb over the hood of his car to get inside when my turn came up at 74. Vikings D. I figured I had to take a Viking, being the "Through the Favre Hole" and everything, and I sure as hell wasn't going to take Favre. My philosophy was that Favre was going to turn the ball over in the redzone, which made it easier for the Vikings' D to turn the ball back over for a Pick Six. It was at this point too that I started looking at bye weeks and match ups. Next came Beanie, Jerricho Cotchery and Felix Jones. I sandwiched a kicker and a crappy QB between my fourth beer. The steal of the draft, I think was my next pick...Percy Harvin #146. Another Viking for Favre to overthrow in the red zone.

My draft ended with the Seahawks D, K Kris Brown and TE Marcedes Lewis. Noone was happy when when Mr. irrelevant was selected. I think overall that I have a mediocre team, but in a 12 team league, all of our teams are mediocre. My game plan of picking sleepers was only partly successful. I missed out on Slaton, Rice, Royal, etc., but got Felix Jones and Percy Harvin. We got next.