Are the Indianapolis Colts the Worst Team in NFL History?

For the last 13 years, the Indianapolis Colts game has always been one of the highlights of the Patriots' season.  Piped in noise, the AFC Championship comeback, Fourth and Two - almost all of the games have been memorably decided by less than a touchdown.  Not this year, though.  Peyton Manning is hurt and the Suck for Luck Campaign has gained steam as the weeks of futility have piled up.  Even C asked me why the Colts were so bad.  The question is, are the Indianapolis Colts the Worst Team in NFL History?  Are they New Jersey Nets bad?

Fur Coat guy cracked us up.

Another question to consider is whether Peyton Manning is the MVP of the last 10 years.  All the media types were saying that the Colts still had pro bowl-caliber talent - Saturday, Wayne, Freeney, Addai, etc. - they should not be winless.  Did these guys ever think that the aforementioned players are pro bowl caliber because Manning made them that way and in actuality they just suck?  Remember how bad the Patriots were when Brady got hurt?  Oh yeah, I forgot, never mind.

Foxboro, MA 1pm.  It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon in December.  Although I might be the only one to think this, I'm glad that the game got flexed to 1pm.  I'm getting too old to be getting home at 2am on a work night.  Besides, who wants to tailgate in the dark?  C came with me - his first regular season Patriots game  - so I was interested in getting his take on the Tailgate and game crowd, as well as how bad the Colts really were.  There would be questions, too.  Was the drunk 55 year old lady who always sits behind our usual seats going to get all fired up?  Will the guy in the old fashioned football helmet fall down the stairs again?  Will we see the guy in the half fur coat, again?  The options are limitless.  But, so long as the McDonald's near our seats is still open, we'll be all set.

The game started inauspiciously as Belichick went into conservation mode early.  Seeking to exercise some sort of demons, I guess, Kevin Faulk was getting the majority of the carries in the First Quarter.  Even after a Faulk fumble was overturned, he continued to get carries.  Green-Ellis, Ridley and Woodhead were all standing there wondering if they had some sort of escalation clause in their contracts that would have been triggered with carries or yardage.  The crowd started to get restless. (Although C would tell you that that was just me; everyone else was fine).  Meanwhile Dan Orlovsky led the Colts to an unsuccessful First Down on the Patriots one.  Manning would never let that happen.  3-0 after the First Quarter.

After an Adam Vinitieri field goal made it 3-3, the Patriots ended  the half scoring two touchdowns, one by Benjarvis Green-Ellis and the other by the Patriots' 2011 MVP Rob Gronkowski.  The one interesting thing about the Second Quarter was the reception that Vinitieri received.  Who cares that he was booed?  He'll get into the Patriots Hall of Fame.  Look at it this way - if you're wife gave birth to three wonderful children and then a couple of years later left you for a guy with more money, how would you feel?  I booed him, too.  Patriots 17-3.

The Third Quarter played out similar to the Second Quarter.  Two more touchdowns by Gronkowski to make it 31-3.  Some more ineptitude ensued every time the Colts touched the ball.  They can't move the ball at all against the Patriots' Bead Curtain defense.  My cover is looking good and C has only asked me for McDonald's twice.

Ah, but the good time didn't last.  The Fourth Quarter saw three touchdowns unanswered by the Colts, including a miracle 33 yard touchdown by Pierre Garcon with just 30 seconds left.  My cover went to concern after the first touchdown, to praying for a miracle garbage touchdown after the second touchdown to outright despair after the third touchdown.  The game all of a sudden was in doubt until Deion Branch recovered an onside kick with 20 seconds left to bring the game to an end.  Final score 31-24.  Pretty good for the worst team in NFL history.

As we were leaving, I asked C if he thought the Colts were the worst team ever.  He looked at me, after getting over his distress after having to leave early, and said "They looked OK to me."

They'll be even better when they trade Andrew Luck for some team's entire draft next spring.  No matter what I might think, the Colts aren't going to be the worst team for long.

Who Can Beat JMR? - NFL Picks for Week 3

We're back.

After a so-so showing last year, including laying the points to the eventual Super Bowl loser Indianapolis Colts, JMR and crew are back for the 2010 NFL Season.  Because of the impending 2011 lockout, I figured it was best to get the kids as interested in football as early as possible so when football returns in 2013, they still remember what it was.

The first two weeks showcased a couple of intriguing teams - the sudden rejuvenated Chicago Bears, the frisky Houston Texans (what a game last week to take the victory from the Redskins), and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers who's 2-0 start might be the most improbable record so far.  Our goal this year is to finish with a .600 winning percentage.  Today, I am joined by DLG, who took time out from Blue's Clues to help Dad, and G, who had to be pried away from his IPod long enough to spend 5 minutes with me picking a couple of games.

Atlanta
NEW ORLEANS (-4)

G:  New Orleans.  "They have a cool name and they won the Super Bowl last year." 

DLG:  New Orleans.  "Because I like their heads and their legs and their arms and their EARS and their..."  OK I get it.

JMR:  Atlanta.  Always dangerous taking a road underdog, but the Saints haven't really shown much this year.  The Super Bowl hangover is evident with these guys and they were fortunate to face a couple of lousy teams to start the year.

Buffalo
NEW ENGLAND (-14)

G:  New England.  "Because they have Tom Brady and Randy Moss." Agreed, and just don't have them drive your kids around town.

DLG:  Buffalo.  "I like their legs and arms and..."  I stopped listening as she started naming different body parts.

JMR:  Buffalo.  Lets face it.  The Patriots are a good team, but the big blowout days are long gone.  Couple its awful second half game plans with its porous defense and I see the Patriots giving up a garbage touchdown at the end of the game to win 38-28 or 38-31.

Indianapolis
DENVER (+7)

G:  Indianapolis.  "I want the Indians to win...oh wait that's the Cowboys.  Can I change my pick?"  Nope.

DLG:  Broncos.  Can you pick a different reason why and not just because you like their arms or legs or feet.  "OK, because i like their ELBOWS!"

JMR:  Colts.  Not surprising to see the Colts lay a smack down against a pretty good Giants team.  I don't think the Colts Week 1 loss was a Colts issue, I think the Texans are that good.

New York Jets
MIAMI (-2.5)

G:  Dolphins.  "Dolphins swim fast and so they'll catch up and score touchdowns."  At least he's consistent; that was the type of answer he gave me last year.

DLG:  Dolphins.  "Because they swim and I Swim."

JMR:  Miami.  I think the Dolphins will squeak this one out by between 3-7 points.  Incidentally, I think Darrelle Revis would have been the difference in this game.

My other picks include SF, Cincinnati, Baltimore, Detroit, New York Giants, Pittsburgh, Houston, Washington, San Diego, Oakland, Chicago.  The picks of the day include Houston and Pittsburgh.

Simply Football.  I'll see you later.   

It's a Shame About Peyton and Ray

It wasn't supposed to happen this way, I keep telling myself.  The Jets were supposed to be playing the Colts this weekend.  The Patriots were supposed to be playing the Chargers in San Diego.  I had to take some time to reflect on this lost season.  When Cassel and the crew finished 11-5 last year, I was convinced that even with a banged up Tom Brady, the Patriots were going to steamroll through the 2009 regular season at 13-3, wait out a much needed bye week, and then destroy Chargers or the Steelers at home in the conference semi final.  Final stop, Miami.

I've never been too good with names
The Bowl door was open, they could never stay away
I know it's probably not my place
It's either or, I'm hoping for a simple way to say.

Instead, after a curious regular season, the listless Patriots fell meekly at home to the Ravens, despite Joe Flacco completing just 4 passes for 34 yards.  I mean, come on, he played like Tony Eason and the Ravens still left us in the dust!  Now, I could blame a lot of things for this loss - Patriot season ticket holders letting Ravens fans have their seats, the enigma that is Randy Moss, a devastating injury to Wes Welker, curious game calling on both sides of the ball - it's all there. 

Even better, the local and national media, pissed off at Spygate and Belichick's secretive nature, piled on.  It was the end of an era, they shrieked.  Parity in the NFL had finally caught up to the Patriots, they argued.  Every local newspaper columnist, radio show host (other than the Brat Pack on the Big Show - Bratwurst that is) and TV reporter was so gleeful about this turn of events that I was getting an uncanny feeling that awkward high fives were occurring in studios and pressrooms across the city.  Not here.  JMR's household will remain irrationally dedicated to this football regime. 

8:30 pm.  Home.  Thinking back through the numerous times I tried to get them excited about football before, I needed my boys to sit here with me.  Maybe they will grow up being diehard Patriots fans, maybe they will hate Dad for forcing this nonsense upon them, maybe something in between.  I thought it was a good start though when C told me (without me prompting him) that he couldn't believe the Ravens won last week, that they were so bad.  I know I couldn't believe it either.  One thing was for sure, whether I have to lie a little bit, or let the facts speak for themselves, my boys will not like the Colts and the Ravens after tonight.  Remember, it wasn't supposed to happen this way.

First Quarter.  I go with the obvious ones here.  I tell them that Ray Lewis once got in a lot of trouble in Atlanta 10 years ago.  I continued that he was set free after he bribed every member of the jury and judge to get free, which was really, REALLY bad.  I threw that in there so C would stop bribing G to play his Nintendo DS.  Maybe I take some liberty with the facts but what's even worse is what Peyton Manning did to those children at the football camp he was conducting for the United Way.  It was disgusting what he did to them.  I know where Mike Leach got his discipline technique from.  The boys were horrified.  Although G asked me why everyone was laughing at those poor kids.  I told him that it was other members of the Indianapolis Colts thinking it was funny. 

Halfway through the First Quarter, I hear "Dad, number 52 is so fat he knocked the other guy out.  Will he go to jail?"  All right, maybe I should take it easy on the jail stuff.

Second Quarter.  Much more of a conciliatory tone this quarter.  Discussions included earthquakes, flatulence and birthday parties.  The only football-related remark occurred when C sighed "This game is soooo boring."  Until, that is, we all perked up after a brutal helmet to helmet hit by Ray Lewis right as the Colts were driving for their second touchdown.  The umpire and I both called that penalty.

"That was really restless, Dad.  I can see why you don't like him.  I don't like him either."  It's not that I don't like him, I just think he's a dirty player. 

It's a shame about Peyton and Ray.
Hands of stone, under the scrum
their names are still engraved.
Some things need to go away.
It's a shame about Peyton and Ray.   

Third Quarter.  One boy has gone down in flames.  Up to bed he went with a drink and some tucking in.  Can the remaining men get through this game?  The way this game is going, it's going to be tough.  I do like however that C thinks that Peyton Manning is yelling at his teammates (when he's actually calling an audible).  I started to explain what he was actually doing, then thought better of it and simply agreed with his assessment.  The only other highlights are the Ravens blowing not one, but two, interceptions by Ed Reed during the last drive of the Quarter.  Not quite Luke when facing Darth in the final scenes of Return of the Jedi, but I can feel the hatred growing!

Fourth Quarter.  We're all getting tired, so before the two of us start fading away, I turn the tables and explain that these guys really aren't that bad, but that it was okay not to like them, so long as they never acted on their feelings.  Especially on a wall in my house.  With 8 minutes left, and trying to fight sleep, C tells me he wants to go to bed.  I help him upstairs, get some water for him and tuck him in too.   

I know what you're thinking.  It's unhealthy to teach such impressionable children to hate anyone or anything.  Well, I'll have them buy some flowers for Mom tomorrow and draw pretty pictures on their day off on Monday.  If you can't have a healthy dislike for someone or something, then you can't appreciate loving your family and friends as much.  By the way, the dreaded Colts wn the game.

To finally borrow from one of my favorite songs - from the Lemonheads:

If I make it through today
I'll know tomorrow not to leave my feelings on display
I'll put the banners back in place
I've never been too good with names
but I remember faces

It's a shame about Peyton and Ray.

Oh well, we still have next year.